Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: Br0kenButterfly

Reconciliation :
I changed. Not my fWH.

default

 Notaboringwife (original poster member #74302) posted at 10:27 PM on Sunday, November 17th, 2024

My husband and I had a massive row while away on a weekend trip. I was triggered, and I sarcastically commented and of course, this escalated.

Two days later, we agreed to talk about the episode. As usual, I prepared for my talk and wrote out all the stuff that was meanly said, my reminders about boundaries etc.etc. I was ready.

I ran it by my best friend…she is also a fBW. So she understands.
She suggested that I simplify and tone down my approach as I tend to be quite direct.

My husband is a shallow thinker and I am a deep thinker. I tend to really analyze any uncomfortable situation. Cover all angles.

She said that I need to get down to his level of thinking to get my point across and that my original way of presenting information does not work with him.

I agreed. I changed my talk to three short sentences. And I apologized for the sarcasm.
My husband looked at me with these huge eyes. Like a frozen deer in headlights. He was thrown off because he expected to be told how he messed up. Of course he did, but so did I. But that was not the point of our talk.

It ended very well. Easily. We are good again.

Just saying to all fBs, that changing one’s approach when the way it was done in the past did not really end well, is priceless. And well worth rethinking.
I learned something about myself.

fBW. My scarred heart has an old soul.

posts: 413   ·   registered: Apr. 24th, 2020
id 8854138
default

The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 4:36 AM on Monday, November 18th, 2024

Thank you for sharing this very important story.

Sometimes it’s not what you say, but how you say it.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14253   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8854154
default

Ladybugmaam ( member #69881) posted at 4:04 PM on Monday, November 18th, 2024

I like this a lot. If there is one positive outcome of this whole blasted A experience, it is that we've learned this as well. There were many times when I was communicating things in the past where he received my comments, the way I formed them, as an attack. I'm so grateful that we have learned better ways of leaning into each other. Conflicts will happen, but we can deal with them so much better than before.

EA DD 11/2018
PA DD 2/25/19
One teen son
I am a phoenix.

posts: 494   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2019
id 8854167
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20241206b 2002-2024 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy