SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I haven't posted on this board for at least two years, maybe longer, I would occasionally read stories but not often. I found another support forum that was more my style and became active with them and am still working with them. I mean absolutely no offense to the people here and I hope that doesn't offend anyone.

I recently chatted with a SI member which inspired me to drop a quick line in the off chance that there is someone from a few years ago that might remember my username who might enjoy an update.

The past couple years have been good / challenging. I was let go from my company and after some searching thankfully found another position, my middle child graduated HS and decided to attend a school about three hours away, my youngest is a Sr. in HS and my oldest lives here.

Wife and I have been separated for close to two years, we live in the same house in different rooms and don't really hang out or spend much time. She travels and is gone for most of the time and it has worked out just fine. At some point I just gave up the idea of R, literally gave it up completely and cold-turkey. I just stopped and didn't want to do anymore, this was around two years ago and I never brought anything up again, never shared a hurt or a pain, it just all felt pointless. I continued to go through some bouts of anger over the injustice and unfairness, just like we all do. Nowadays I don't really have that anger anymore, maybe a few little twinges now and then. I found it goes away when you reach acceptance that it's pointless.

We went the mediator route with a divorce and she has been wonderful. She's been agreeable and cooperative. It's interesting in that I have a lot of sadness over what could have been, but it also feels for the first time in a long time we are on the same side of an issue and working together as partners.

I'm still a work in progress in that I have the divorce papers here at my desk, the settlement is reviewed and approved, everything in order it just requires getting it notarized and sent in, and I'm dragging my feet. She hasn't signed hers either but we don't talk so I don't know her reasons. I can't say I totally understand my reasons for dragging either. Like I said, a work in progress.

So that's an update. I'm hoping everyone here is also doing well.

Glad to hear from you!

HCSDI

Good to see you back. Sorry there’s minimal progress, but glad you’re taking care of yourself.

You know there’s no reason to delay the inevitable. If you file now, you can still wait until after your youngest starts school next Fall to sell the home, assuming she’s leaving the immediate area.

It’s not going to get easier, but it must be done.

Fresh starts have a way of invigorating your life if you’re in the right head space, and it sounds like you may be there.

Stay strong.

[This message edited by 1994 at 12:21 PM, Monday, November 11th]

This is a relatively rare situation and honestly – I’m glad for you.

This the same wife that asked for a divorce back in May 2021 and was moving out a month later?
This in-house separation on amicable terms is what’s rare. I do hope you two aren’t creating some form of ersatz marriage and/or are delaying what most would see as inevitable (i.e. the finalization of the divorce). I honestly don’t see this as sustainable for many years and will probably/possibly hinder your personal happiness and development moving on.

I sometimes think we tend to forget how all-enclosing the marital contract tends to be. Like... the next call I get might be from the local ER and within the next 24 hours I might be making life-and-death decisions for my wife simply because I am her legal husband. Since I’m happily married, I like to think any decision I make will be totally based on care and love, and not if this might be a handy way to get a better settlement...
Know this is a drastic example, but hopefully you get the gist.

How are you going brother?
Have either you or your wife decided to sign the papers yet, or have either of you made steps towards reconciliation?

We are here to support you,
Regards,
FAWH.

If you’re dragging your feet, and she’s dragging her feet, maybe you two should talk.