Topic is Sleeping.
Webbit (original poster member #84517) posted at 7:09 AM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2024
Today is a good day!
Today for the first time I realised I am handling triggers much, much better. I’m not getting angry and threatening divorce every week but instead calmly discussing these triggers with my WH.
An example, the other day I noticed while on a little family trip a Snapchat ping from a weird name on WH phone. (Snapchat was the main form of communication between AP and WH) I immediately shut down and went into full stress mode. I was ignoring my husband and went to sleep without communicating.
As this was a trigger it also bought us other thoughts. We had taken a selfie at a beach with our son that day while on a little holiday. The last time we had done that in the same town was when he was in the middle of his affair.
Because of this I could not sleep a wink. WH noticed this and asked me if I was ok. Instead of me being in hysterics I calmly told him how that message made me feel uncomfortable as this was how you communicated ‘with her’.
I also told him how the affair made selfies of our family on holiday not feel special anymore.
He then replied with an apology and making me feel that way. Showed me the weird message, which was actually nothing. And reinforced how much he loved me and the family we have. He also held me while I cried and told me he would never make me cry again.
I know it may not seem like a big deal and maybe just seems like words but honestly it feels so good not ‘blowing up’ everytime I have a trigger. I think it feels ‘safer’ because I can see WH putting in the work. It is a huge step for WH who now asks me if everything is ok when he clearly can tell I’m not as this was a big issue for us before the A.
Ladybugmaam ( member #69881) posted at 1:22 PM on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2024
That’s a great step forward. Thank you for sharing that. I also noticed that when I could voice where I was without attacking, FWH was able to meet me there and show up in a helpful way. In some ways, this has weirdly brought us to a much more emotionally intimate place.
EA DD 11/2018
PA DD 2/25/19
One teen son
I am a phoenix.
Groot1988 ( member #84337) posted at 1:41 AM on Wednesday, April 3rd, 2024
I love this for you!
I think those are some big steps and something to be proud of, this is real hard stuff.
I also love that he was there for you and gave you the words you needed to hear and having actions to prove it!
Married 5 years (together 11) Four children Me Bs 36Him WH 35- 4 month PA Dday Oct 6- lots of TT final disclosure Jan 16.
"If we walk through hell we might as well hold hands, we should make this a home"- citizen soldier
Topic is Sleeping.
