First I am so glad I discovered this page to have a compressed knowledge and orientation to what is happening to me and also seeing a community that went or is going through this hell of a life change.
Met a girl a decade ago, she was very interested in me...more than I was in her, but still something dragged to me and we started dating and as more as i got to know her the more I was attracted to her, not about the looks but other qualities from bein more of artistic type and me being technical type.
We got married a few years later, moved together far away from family and friends and as it was a stressfull time i felt our love and being away from distraction of family and friends was only charging our energy so we were quite bonded. Four small kids later (<12, the youngest being 5) and great career and extraordinary love appreciation from both our sides almost consistently.. I was presented out of nowhere with request to divorce. Oh the agony I went through. I basically begged her to not do this (I was totally blindsided with this) and she took it back. A week or so later I found out by accident she met someone else that turned her world around.
Digging deeper this was an emotional affair taking some time to develop from her hobby. Then when I confronted her she was sorry but not really remorseful. I even found out from her she would likely be quite happy with me, had she not met this person (almost twice her age). Then I found out she was abused in all sorts from her father and family which she did never fully disclose with me. We were then working on our marriage, but agony persisted, i went on antidepressants and on one time when she was really really sorry (seemed really remorseful) and said we should move closer to home i made a rash decision to present this idea to our kids and then set things in motion to move. The move was planned for end of school year in a few months. In this time she consistently met with OP which I found out from neighbors sharing commute with her and holding hands and kissing. Every time i confronted her with this she seemed remorseful but went back again in doing this and being exposed a few times. We also attended MC where she deeply regretted this and commited to reconciliation but went back in her old ways. I somehow stayed sane without almost any sleep and eat, went on medical leave for a month and took antidepressant counting the minutes to move thinking the distance to the OP and closeness to family and friends would solve some pain.
...fast forward 6 months we have moved 700miles away (felt on top of the world) and superficially things seem ok but the agony i have is coming back again...2 months flew by without IC or MC (at one time she rejected MC because the couselor said some bad words about OP). Now we started IC and still seems like agony and i do not really feel true remorse from her side and also no really effort on finding a MC of her choice. She started a really low level work beneth her education and quite physical so there is progress. She says she loves me more than ever consistently shows love towards me but i have trouble sometimes bringing our topic where she says its not a safe space to discuss. I know MC is comming but the time and excrutiating pain sometimes seems overwhelming. Kids keep me sane, they do not know anything (i think).
Also on other not, she told almost everyone in her firend circle what a mess our marriage was (totally the opposite) and how bad of a husband i was, but i only confined this betryal to our pastor, my brother and two closest friends who stayed awake on my whole night walks and kept me sane not doing anything stupid untill return. (more following)
I try to follow your tips and anything but just any kind of condolances and optimistic outlook from any of you would be much appreciated.
[This message edited by strongenthanever at 2:32 PM, Wednesday, September 13th]