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Newest Member: onthefence2024

New Beginnings :
How would you handle this?

Topic is Sleeping.
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 eyenight (original poster member #39488) posted at 8:48 PM on Sunday, September 10th, 2023

I've been with.my bf going on 4 years he and I have a child together. Recently he quit all his meds cold turkey and started to drink heavily.
Things came to a head last Sunday while he was drinking he made comments about how the home situation is f'd up.
He said a lot of things to me about the parenting of my children, my character and how I'm not a taking care of the animals and that I'm using him for his money.
I thought we worked through it. After a long discussion.
I told him how he see himself as a victim. It's not as bad as he's making it out to be, and he needs to get back on the medication, stop drinking.
Well last night I was on reddit and found a post he made. Holy crap. He made me out to be a monster. I sound like a crazy person. Most of the information in the post is incorrect. It paints him as a victim and myself as an abuser.
I don't get it. I do everything for this man. I take him anywhere he needs to go. He gets to stressed I drive him to his families house and pick him up. I clean up the house. Do all the laundry minus his. Try to keep my kids quiet so he doesn't get triggered. I make bottles daily for the baby so he doesn't have to., I've bought all her clothes, formula, diapers, wipes, toys, crib, swing, pack n play and stroller. Once I get home from working all day I take over care of her. The only thing he does is dinner and groceries. We moved in together I asked him if he was will to pay half of the bills which he agreed to. I haven't even asked for him to pay more since all the bills went up. I even went and got a newer vehicle so there would be a car at home he could use even though I could of used that vehicle as a trade. We went on vacation to Colorado. I told him he didn't have to pay for the month and I'd help pay for the trip. I paid for all the gas in the car, half of the hotels. And he paid half of the hotels and gor food.
He says he feels trapped like he's a hostage cause of the situation with us sharing a child. I never told him he couldn't leave. If he wants to leave I have no right to stop him. He says I'm abusive toward my son. I spanked him with a belt once. That kid was in full blown destruction mode. He was destroying everything he got his hands on and started to go after his sister, So I gave him a slap on the butt. That kids stopped right away. I felt so bad afterwards.
He says I don't take care of my cats. I have 2 16 lbs of cat food on hand and 5 25 lbs of litter.
He says that I forced him to leave his program. He told me he left because he was getting messed with by the staff. I told him he should stay but he told me No.
There is more. But you get the just of it.
I've down all I can for him in every way. Placed camping trips this summer paid for them. Except maybe food for maybe 3 of them.
He says in the post I didn't have food in the house. I did. It was either freezer or in my cabinet. You just had to make it or microwave it.

I can't exactly bring me finding the post up to him because he has no idea that I know he wrote it and I don't want to start a fight. I don't want to think I went looking for it. I didn't. I read the post and was like that sounds a lot like the situation going on. I didn't even know his reddit user name. I found out the name cause he had a different reddit page open with his username on it and searched the username and that came up.

I know he wrote that post when he was in a maniac stage and not thinking straight, but I feel that's what really thinks of me. I love this dude a lot. We weren't supposed to have a baby I was told if I got pregnant I wouldn't be able to carry to fullterm and if I did make it full term I have a big chance of her being stillborn and me having complications after birth.
I just think he's with me just because of our daughter. I don't think he ever loved me. I was just his scapegoat for the mistakes he made.
I don't know what to do. This is killing me that someone who said the loved me would say such hurtful things about me.

posts: 305   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2013
id 8807238
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 9:57 PM on Sunday, September 10th, 2023

Gently, a relationship should not be this difficult. You are working yourself to the bone trying to manage this manchild.

Does he work from home?

I'm not sure about the program you are talking about. What is he on medication for?

I do everything for this man.

^^^Is he not capable to doing some of the things you posted about on his own?

You need to protect your children at all costs if he continues to drink. I hope he doesn't drink and drive.


Try to keep my kids quiet so he doesn't get triggered.

^^^This is no way to live. Why does he get triggered? Kids will be noisy at times.

He's complaining about everything, what is HE doing to make life better for both of you and the children?

I'm so sorry, but you need to honestly ask yourself how you want to live your life, and how the children shouldn't be walking on eggshells worrying about his reaction.

posts: 12158   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 8807243
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 10:04 PM on Sunday, September 10th, 2023

This relationship is way off-balance. He sounds like an entitled victim-wanna-be. And that you, after 4 years and a kid, don’t have a working balance in running the household, vacations, child-care, etc —it just doesn’t seem healthy.

You didn’t mention what type of meds he is on — assuming for mental health. So you have little ones around and he is not taking his meds and is drinking too much. This sounds like a train wreck in the making.

Please rethink if this is the relationship you want/need. And think if it is healthy for your kids.

You and your kids deserve better.

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6025   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8807244
Topic is Sleeping.
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