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Topic is Sleeping.
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 kiwilee (original poster member #10426) posted at 4:14 AM on Saturday, September 9th, 2023

We are nearing the divorce being finalized!!! Hip hip hooray. Im going to be over here soon enough.

So it’s been 20 + years since I’ve dated. Where to even begin?? What are the most preferred dating sites for 50 year olds?!? Excited and nervous as Heck.

posts: 663   ·   registered: Apr. 17th, 2006
id 8807103
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countrydirt ( member #55758) posted at 8:11 PM on Saturday, September 9th, 2023

Congratulations! I ended up dating within an active outdoors community. I was over 33 years out of the dating game. I didn't even know how to flirt let alone talk to the ladies.

My experience with online dating was a bit confusing for me. Met some nice people online, but never quite clicked. One lady I "matched" with online was active in the same outdoor community and we actually met on a group bike ride on accident - just happened to be riding beside each other and talking and realized that we had matched after about 30 minutes of visiting. It took us about a year to go on a date that didn't involve kayaking or hiking or biking. We're coming up on 2 years together now.

I also had some friends who did their best to fix me up with people. None of those worked, mainly because I didn't know what to do or how to do it. I remember a time at a low key music event when a nice lady came over and started talking with me and I was pretty paralyzed. My friends, who brought me to the event, just laughed at me because I looked like a deer in the headlights.

3 adult sonsMarried 32 years. DDay1 - June 2016, DDay 2 - April 2017, Final DDay - May 2020. Divorced - January 2021
Life is Good!

posts: 528   ·   registered: Oct. 25th, 2016   ·   location: Colorado
id 8807138
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ANewPerson ( member #83728) posted at 4:00 PM on Sunday, September 10th, 2023

We are nearing the divorce being finalized!!! Hip hip hooray.

Congratulations.

What is your plan for socializing?

I'm going to avoid the dating sites, short term objective is to expand activities I enjoy. Industry functions, friends, going "yes man" and accepting social engagements, allowing set-ups, and leaping into all the activities I enjoy - social or non-social. I had always loved to host, the stbxww had some anxiety with new people and groups. Apparently one on one with married men didn't bring the same anxiety. laugh I'm free now to host some cocktail parties, so remodeling.

I have a weekly boys night, 1/2 the group is single, and they have hobbies and engagements I'm invited. My concern with dating sites is that I want to have a net of social connections. Even if the connections are tenuous, friend of a friend of a friend, to me that feels more secure than meeting through websites. I am engaging in some social networking sites more, Facebook, etc., on some hobbies. In that case I'm focusing on fellow hobbyists and not concentrating any special attention on the opposite sex.

What are your hobbies and interests and how's your current social network? I was "lucky", years of neglect gave me the opportunity to build an individual life. With the toxic cloud of faux reconciliation lifting, I can see ever expanding life opportunities. Trying to be deliberate and pick a life direction. Not sure what I want to be when I grow up now. Not well enough to set any grander goals than expanding my social circles and activities. A relationship is too large a goal to place on my plate. Very interested to hear other people's plans, how they're going about constructing a new life.

Truth be told, I'm not the person my stbxww married, not the one she betrayed, not the one that was in reconciliation. I don't know who I am yet, I'm hoping time, friendships, and activity will lead me to better understanding. I am worn out with therapists, frankly, they were all trying to get me to just see my situation clearly. I would not be led to water at the time, had to die of thirst first.

BH 54 Divorcing

posts: 55   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2023   ·   location: Heartland USA.
id 8807205
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 kiwilee (original poster member #10426) posted at 8:11 PM on Sunday, September 10th, 2023

Truth be told, I'm not the person my stbxww married, not the one she betrayed, not the one that was in reconciliation. I don't know who I am yet, I'm hoping time, friendships, and activity will lead me to better understanding

.

I agree with the above statement 100% and feel exactly the same. I am staring at a blank canvas ahead of me and it is exciting and terrifying at the same time!!

Countrydirt and Anewperson- Thank you for responding. I like how you both suggest meeting people through activities and social engagements. I think this is a good way to go about it. Do you use meetup to find people with similar interests? Any other suggestions?

I also have lived a very independent life the last 5 years and have several hobbies, interests. I love pickleball, biking, hiking, fishing, golfing, most anything adventure or outdoors. I like to be very active. I have a pickleball group of girlfriends and most other activites are my best friend and I or just me. I am very lucky that I have a strong girlfriend support system in place. However, there are currently no guys involved in my activities. When I go to the gym, I take classes that are mostly female. So I will have to find a way to incorporate more mixed activities.

This is going to be an adventure for sure, and I am up for the challenge!

posts: 663   ·   registered: Apr. 17th, 2006
id 8807229
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ANewPerson ( member #83728) posted at 8:20 PM on Sunday, September 10th, 2023

I know Meetup, anyone may message me if you'd like to discuss. It's been a very useful tool for hobbies.

BH 54 Divorcing

posts: 55   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2023   ·   location: Heartland USA.
id 8807233
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countrydirt ( member #55758) posted at 11:28 PM on Sunday, September 10th, 2023

My community has a weekly bike ride - pretty low key and not very long distance from April through September. I think I went to 2 or 3 before I actually talked to anyone beyond saying hello. Later on I discovered that I could talk and visit and made some new friends that were into hiking and kayaking so went out for a few adventures with small groups. This was at the start of the pandemic so outside activities were all we did.

I met a few other people while out riding the trails on my mountain bike solo. We exchanged numbers and went on some rides. I tried Meetup but it was pretty sparse at the time. Over the course of 6 or 7 months I built a new network of active friends and that's pretty much all I did. Granted, I live is a smaller city of around 150,000 and the active group is much smaller so I started seeing the same people at various events.

I also met some new friends via music - both listening and playing - and have a solid network of older friends that play music together.

The virtual world didn't work out that well for me even though I had a few interesting coffee dates and a couple that were just disasters as far as actually matching up with the real person.

3 adult sonsMarried 32 years. DDay1 - June 2016, DDay 2 - April 2017, Final DDay - May 2020. Divorced - January 2021
Life is Good!

posts: 528   ·   registered: Oct. 25th, 2016   ·   location: Colorado
id 8807256
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ANewPerson ( member #83728) posted at 2:05 PM on Monday, September 11th, 2023

The virtual world didn't work out that well for me even though I had a few interesting coffee dates and a couple that were just disasters as far as actually matching up with the real person.

I am a believer in activity, professional, church, friends, and family-based connections. Like where you've found positive energies. There is something adverse occurring often times when people are making online choices versus in person choices. It seems we can more easily be misled, not really see how attractive or unattractive a person is to us, and how their personality connects with ours. When I was dating in my early 30's, using online, I argued online connections were just how things started.
But now I'm thinking the pool of people you get offered, the pool of people you find online and react with you in some way is actually important. For me, I feel like I'm meeting people more attuned to me than starting online, that said, sometimes I think its where we are in life and what's available to us at a given time.

Thanks for the positive story about getting out and finding friendships.

Meetup is a different animal than dating websites. Depending on how it's used. If the aim is meeting people for romantic attractions, then it disappoints. If the goal is to find hobby and activity-based groups and friendship, then it's well suited. Maybe there is a goal adjustment on dating sites as well that could help people?

BH 54 Divorcing

posts: 55   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2023   ·   location: Heartland USA.
id 8807309
Topic is Sleeping.
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