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Newest Member: Watermelonhigh

Divorce/Separation :
Difficult mediation session

Topic is Sleeping.
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 kiwilee (original poster member #10426) posted at 12:29 PM on Thursday, August 10th, 2023

Ok third mediation session done. It was a bit more prickly as maintenance was discussed. I’m between a rock and a hard place.

WH proposed a 3 year term (very low #) for maintenance from a 26 yr marriage. My attorney has educated me on maintenance and what to expect. So I have to submit my counter proposal to WH and mediator on Friday. My attorney has suggested a proposal that I believe he will not accept and could force sale of home. I want to stay in house for one year for our HS senior. So I would accept a term (5-6 year) maintenance plan at more reasonable numbers. I have a large shortfall as he makes 5x what I do.

So in order to settle I have to agree to numbers where I could squeak by and have to focus on increasing my pay. He has agreed to pay everything for our child (including full college, car, ins, food, clothing, etc). I’m over 50 and my financial future is a bit scary. I will have half retirement and large house equity buyout after one year.

In my state, the judge will always order modifiable maintenance vs a term contract (non modifiable). So if this one issue goes in front of judge he would have to pay me until I die or remarry (but prob at a lesser # per month).

So far the mediation and the process has been mostly amicable. I know how this man works and if I want to get this settled by end of Aug (which I desperately want!!!)… I will be accepting less in maintenance overall than if this goes in front of judge and lose out on one year in house with hs senior. It’s a gamble. Overall my 6 year proposal is doable for me financially (just not a lot of wiggle room). So question is do I push for more and risk more attorney fees and time or settle at a place that is doable albeit tight?

posts: 663   ·   registered: Apr. 17th, 2006
id 8803881
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FunHouseMirror ( member #80992) posted at 4:42 PM on Thursday, August 10th, 2023

Put it in front of a judge. Keeping your senior in the house for one year isn't worth your future security. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's what I'd tell my best friend or daughter.

posts: 248   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2022
id 8803905
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ArkLaMiss ( member #14918) posted at 8:55 PM on Thursday, August 10th, 2023

I agree with going in front of the judge! Don't give in JUST to get everything settled because you WILL regret it.

Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

posts: 1804   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2007
id 8803932
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nomudnolotus ( member #59431) posted at 11:04 PM on Thursday, August 10th, 2023

I agree with what was already said, go to court. You don't know what will happen in the future and not giving yourself much wiggle room to keep your son in the house one year is not a good trade off.

posts: 466   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2017
id 8803946
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BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 2:58 AM on Friday, August 11th, 2023

Agreed with the others. You do not want to be pinching pennies for years to come just for 12 more months in the house.

BW, 40s

Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried

I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.

posts: 2021   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8803964
Topic is Sleeping.
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