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Newest Member: SCOUT527

New Beginnings :
Another vacation with my kids

Topic is Sleeping.

 Mari104 (original poster member #63422) posted at 6:44 PM on Thursday, July 13th, 2023

I leave tomorrow evening for a family vacation in Europe. (Which is where both of our families are originally from.) The kids and I are SO excited. My parents have been there since May and we miss them so much. My birthday is Monday, July 17th and I wanted to spend it with my parents and kids. This is such a huge deal for me. I will be visiting so much of my family, as well as XWH's family while I am there. Both his parents and mine have homes there. We were always close to each other's families. Since his parents have been there, they have been with my parents almost every day. I love how close they are and how much they support each other. But this is the first time I go there after my divorce and even after everyone found out what really happened. Everyone is devastated at what he did to us and his side of the family still refuses to even meet the OW.

I continue to be close to his and he has basically cut himself off from everyone on both sides. But that does not stop the kids and I from enjoying time with both sides of the family. His choices. His consequences. Not mine. Not my kids. Not either of our families'. My in-laws arrived this weekend, along with his grandmother. My BIL and SIL (his only brother) and our niece will be flying out with us tomorrow evening. We will be spending a large part of our vacation together. I will be splitting my time between my parents' house and his parents'. This will be the first trip we take as a family after our niece passed away last summer after her 9 year battle with cancer. It will be bittersweet. I am just glad that we will be there to help support my BIL, SIL and her younger sister. I know there will be moments that will be more difficult than others, but there will also be moments that memories will be made and I am incredibly grateful for that.

For those that know my story, you can understand why I still remain close to his family. They were there for my kids and I, which I know rarely happens. They choose to stand by me because they know I have always put my kids first. To some, it may be strange that I am divorced, but still call my in-laws. But to me, it feels normal. They were part of my life for over 20 years and are family. They are my children's blood and I will always do everything in my power to make sure they continue to have a relationship with their father's side of the family. I truly love his family. It is difficult being around them sometimes because it makes me sad that it has come to this. It triggers me. But the rewards are far bigger and I guess this is what you call New Beginnings. Living my life unapologetically. Being able to find peace in this all. Moving on without the person you thought would be part of your story forever. Even if that means moving on with his family.

As a side note and for some laughs.....XWH still barely communicates with his family. Some of you may remember when I posted a few months ago how his parents wanted to take my kids to Europe and he refused to let them go with them because they "weren't accepting his new life" and "didn't know what they would be telling his family there regarding the divorce". Well.....I am taking them now. It won't be for as long as they wanted, but they are still going. Now.....the entire family will be there and it seems he is feeling a bit "upset" about it. He didn't even know his brother was going until our son said something about his uncle coming on the plane with us on Father's Day. Our daughter went outside to wish him a Happy Father's Day and she told me he looked like a deer in headlights when he found out. He stated to his father "he doesn't know how his family is going to portray everyone being there, Including his ex-wife and kids and him not being part of this at all". His father told him "it is a bit late for you to now worry about what people are going to think". They are going to think what they choose to think and it is none of my business." Apparently, I was supposed to wait to go and see his family AFTER he had a chance to go visit them and give them his side of the story. laugh His mother received a call from him the day they arrived. Completely out of the blue. She was shocked because he hasn't called her in months. He claimed he saw a missed call from her and wanted to know "if they needed something". rolleyes She knew right away that the only reason he was calling all the sudden was to pretend like he was "involved" and make himself look good to his family overseas. rolleyes Just like he did during our niece's services last summer. Spent that week calling, visiting his parents and brother, attending the services as if he had been there for her during her last years. Made promises he had no intentions on keeping. After the services were done, he went right back to his old ways. mad Our younger niece lost her sister almost 1 year ago. Do you know how many times he has reached out to her to ask how she is doing? None. mad He sucks. But his family is the best and I am so thankful they came into my life.

[This message edited by Mari104 at 8:55 PM, Thursday, July 13th]

posts: 171   ·   registered: Apr. 12th, 2018
id 8799266

leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 7:02 PM on Thursday, July 13th, 2023

Go and enjoy your family time. (Yes, I remember your story.) I'm glad you're close with your in-laws. Your kids can visit both sets of grandparents and not have to worry about stepping on anybody's toes.

My MIL & FIL have both passed, but I'm still part of the family. XWH moved out of state, so I visit with my SIL whenever. XWH rarely communicates with them. I told them to just let me know when he's in town & I'll make sure not to visit then.

ETA: I'm sorry about the loss of your niece. I don't understand how your XWH could be so cruel to not even visit her. It shines the light on how selfish he is.

[This message edited by leafields at 7:03 PM, Thursday, July 13th]

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3459   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8799271

 Mari104 (original poster member #63422) posted at 8:57 AM on Sunday, July 16th, 2023

Leafields, thank you. We are here and so far we are having a great time. I just want my children to know they are supported and loved by both sides of the family. They have been through enough because of everything he choose to do. I will deal with the triggers here as they come and try my best to not let them ruin my time here. And yes…..him not being there for our niece before she passed is just something I don’t think any of us will be able to ever get past. It was just heartless and inexcusable.

posts: 171   ·   registered: Apr. 12th, 2018
id 8799579
Topic is Sleeping.
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