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Hi all,

My WH had a short affair that resulted in a child. We are waiting on paternity results but we also have a child together.

I have set upan initial meeting with a lawyer to get my bearings, understand my rights and the best way forward etc. But while it feels like a smart step, I have no idea what to ask - any suggestions ?

Thanks in advance

Regards

Not an attorney. But I hear that if you file for child support first, you will get more than the other child.

Anyone know if that’s true?

Ask what CS or spousal support would look like. Are there any pensions onvolved? Ask how that would work. Ask how long payments would last. Custody arrangements, holidays, child expenses, college, and any other questions you might have. You can ask the attorney if there are questions you should be asking. Also, does infidelity affect how things go?

[This message edited by leafields at 5:36 PM, Saturday, June 3rd]

Not an attorney. But I hear that if you file for child support first, you will get more than the other child.

Anyone know if that’s true?

That’s a good question for the attorney, but yes, this is generally true. The reason (again very generally) is that child support is calculated based on the parent’s total income. If the parent is already paying child support for other children, then future CS awards will be less because the existing CS payments are deducted from the parent’s total available income.

A part from getting a clear view on your situation, you want to also evaluate whether the attorney is best suited to represent you. I would ask whether they have ever handled cases like yours that involve an OC, what are the typical outcomes in cases like yours, and how frequently and through what means (phone, email, etc) you can expect the attorney to communicate with you.

If you’re considering reconciliation, you should also ask about whether it would be in your best interest to get a postnuptial agreement, and if so, what would be involved in ensuring that you obtain a favorable one that’s also fully enforceable by the court.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 7:23 AM, Tuesday, May 30th]

Questions I'd ask if I were in your shoes:

What kind of child support (CS) obligation is your husband going to be responsible for in relation to the OC? How long will that last? Who will pay for expenses like swimming lessons, healthcare costs, etc. What about post-secondary costs in the event that the child elects to attend college, university, trade school.

It sounds like your husband intends to be in this child's life. Have you worked out what kind of custody arrangement he will be seeking? What do you expect this to look like? If you stay with him, will that impair your family's ability to pick up and leave? What happens if she wishes to do so?

Is there any way YOUR income or assets will be used to calculate CS?

If you and your husband's marriage was to end, what kind of CS payments or spousal support payments would you be entitled to or responsible for? For how long? What kind of custody setup would be likely to be awarded? Would your entitlement to CS or spousal support be affected by the OC? Is there any strategy in terms of maximizing your entitlement?

If so, how so? What kind of division of assets would you be looking at? Things like houses, pensions, retirement funds etc. Is there any benefit/detriment for filing now vs. in a year or two or at a later date?

If you anticipate things like big bonuses or inheritences on either side in the next few years, how would that play out? Is there anything you can do to protect such things?

You may also wish to ask about postnuptial agreements.

Thank you for all the advice. This is really helpful and very much appreciated!