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Newest Member: trc123

New Beginnings :
My daughter's High School Grad Party: Advice requested

Topic is Sleeping.

OnTheOtherSideOfHell ( member #82983) posted at 8:48 PM on Thursday, July 6th, 2023

You might consider attending the party alone for your daughter鈥檚 sake. It鈥檚 about her. Not your ex and not your current wife. Gently, your new wife seems to be attempting to mark her territory which is always the result of juvenile insecurity . I was guilty of it early in my marriage towards my overbearing monster in law, but I grew up. (Mostly)馃槵There is never an appropriate place for that sort of behavior and certainly not at the expense of your daughter鈥檚 joyful time.

posts: 102   路   registered: Feb. 28th, 2023   路   location: SW USA
id 8798405

 barcher144 (original poster member #54935) posted at 4:13 AM on Monday, July 10th, 2023

So the ending of the graduation party saga:

1. My wife was nagging me that I needed to go. I bluntly told her that she needs to stop trying to bully me into going; the decision is mine and only mine. I am aware of the risks/rewards and I get to make the final decision, not her

2. This was my parenting weekend. DD17 (the grad) did not come over this weekend because of the grad party. DD16 was on a vacation with her friend, so she didn't come over either. This left me with DS11. I picked him up at his normal time on Thursday. On the way to my house (~45 minutes), I asked him if he wanted to go to the grad party and he said that he did. He asked me if I was going to go. I told him "I don't know", which I meant literally at that moment in time (i.e., I still had decided). Lucky for me (keep reading), this phrasing is commonly translated as a passive-aggressive way of saying "no."

3. DS11 apparently communicated to his mother that I was not going to attend the party. So, the two of them negotiated that she would pick him up from my house. I know this petty, but this knowledge brought me considerable joy because my ex-wife had tried to bully me to live within a few miles of her during the divorce and she *hates* driving to my new house (it's about 70 miles, round trip). It also gave me an "opening" to safely attend the party, albeit briefly.

4. My son and I negotiated when I would pick him up from his mother's -- he wanted to stay for 4 or 5 hours. So, at the correct time, my wife and I drove to the party. In my head, my plan was to get there, hug DD17 and tell her how much I love her, grab my son, and leave. Unless the police were already there when I arrived, I would be gone before someone could call the police and they arrived (based on my prior history: I had no more than 8 minutes).

5. I shared my plan with my wife. I don't know if she liked it or hated it, but she went along with it. So, that's what I did. At least two people in attendance were *very* surprised that I showed up and audibly said so aloud (and not directed at me). I was on and off the property is less than 5 minutes. My wife lingered a bit longer, but that was fine because she has never been previously warned to stay off my ex's property.

6. My son and I went to a nearby amusement park and had a great time that night! grin

[This message edited by barcher144 at 4:16 AM, Monday, July 10th]

Me: Crap, I'm almost 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.

posts: 5390   路   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8798846

little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 10:38 PM on Wednesday, July 12th, 2023

I don't think that could have gone any better than it did! Thanks for sharing!

Failure is success if we learn from it.

posts: 5572   路   registered: Aug. 1st, 2007   路   location: michigan
id 8799177

BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 12:27 PM on Thursday, July 13th, 2023

I am really troubled by your wife鈥檚 compulsion to annoy your ex. She had no business badgering you to attend to the party nor did she have any reason to linger there after you had already greeted your daughter and picked up your son.

BW, 40s

Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried

I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.

posts: 1659   路   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8799220
Topic is Sleeping.
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