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Divorce/Separation :
Coparent phone call length & frequency

Topic is Sleeping.

 wildstar (original poster new member #83073) posted at 6:17 AM on Thursday, April 6th, 2023

WW called unexpectedly the other day and what I figured was going to be a 5 minute good night phone call turned into a 30 min reading of a book. Disrupting DDs time with me and our bedtime routine.

We have 50/50 joint custody. My time with DD already goes by so fast during my week and my focus is quality time w DD.

30 mins every day feels excessive, especially given 50/50 custody and shared time. I emailed WW and ask that such long book readings be reserved for her weeks. She responded saying 30 mins was suggested by co-parenting sites and linked 5 websites. None of the links reference times, but supported my argument that co-parents should respect the other's time.

WW operates on give me an inch and I'll take a mile.

She doesn't respect my boundaries, it took the lawyer intervening when she used DD as a go between because she didn't like an aunt picking up DD from school.

It feels like she tries to do everything she can to disrupt my time with DD and manipulate DD.

I allowed a scheduled conversation tonight, gave DD privacy, I walked in at the end of their phone call and WW said, "ok, our 30 mins is up" and DD asked why, instead of giving a neutral answer WW said because that's all the time she was allowed.

WW is so subtly manipulative I don't know what to do. I can't afford to keep hiring a lawyer. And I'm ok with occasional calls. But 30 mins every day is disruptive.

The articles I read suggested letting the child decide, but also paying attention to attention span. WW has no respect for boundaries...none, so I can't trust her judgement.

Divorce decree has no guidelines on phone/text time. I don't have much evidence that she's overstepping, but I can already tell she's trying to plant seeds in DD's mind that they'll have 30 min book reading time daily during my time.

Any advice?

posts: 11   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2023   ·   location: Las Vegas
id 8785889

HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 2:01 PM on Thursday, April 6th, 2023

I do think it's ok to allow the child to speak to her other parent,every night.

I'm not sure what to do about the time,at present. In the future, she isn't going to want to hang out with her mom,on the phone,all the time. She will get tired of it.

I don't know. Maybe allow her mom to call at bedtime,and make sure your phone battery is low,so the call can't last 30 minutes? Or,come into the room,and say,"ok sweetie, it's time for bed,say good night to your mom. Oh,she isn't done reading the book tp you? That's ok. She can finish it tomorrow night before bed. Say good night."

I've read your posts. She has zero boundaries. She has no respect for you as a father. And I think you're correct. She is purposely trying to infringe on your parenting time.

Outsmart her.

I will be everywhere you look,but nowhere to be found. And that will be my revenge.

posts: 6148   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8785909

HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 2:08 PM on Thursday, April 6th, 2023

Has your attorney ran a background check on OM yet? I just went through a few of your posts,to remind myself how old your child is. Everything about this man screams predator. I'm worried about your daughter. And,the way your wife pushed this man on your daughter, tells me mom isn't being protective of her. Please keep a close eye on the situation. Also, have the talk with your child,about anyone making her feel uncomfortable, or touching her inappropriately. Tell her she can always come to you, even if the bad person is telling her he will hurt anyone she tells. That that isn't true,and you will always believe her. I think its important.

Understand that,even if his background check is clean, that simply means he hasn't been caught.

His behavior isn't normal. And the way your wife is trying to replace you with him,and force him on your child,says to me that she cares more about him, than your child. She's not thinking of the possible dangers.

Sorry. I know that's not what this thread is about. Im
just so worried about your girl. My spidey senses are tingling.

[This message edited by HellFire at 2:12 PM, Thursday, April 6th]

I will be everywhere you look,but nowhere to be found. And that will be my revenge.

posts: 6148   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8785910
Topic is Sleeping.
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