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luvedmypbear (original poster member #25690) posted at 3:40 PM on Tuesday, February 21st, 2023
DD 1 was in July 2009
DD 2 in September 2022
Lots of happy times in between even while WH has been dealing with unresolved childhood trauma/abandonment and adult combat trauma.
The DDs were so different for us. The first one, I accidentally found out about when he was no longer involved with his AP.
The second one was more of a mid life crisis bomb drop as he suddenly let me know he didn’t love me, has never loved me (in over 23 years) and will never love me. He wanted a divorce but wouldn’t be moving out or filing because he wanted full access to our kids.
I asked him if there was someone else and he said there was not.
It was a confusing time and I inadvertently played the "pick me dance". That ended in December when our son heard him on the phone threatening to break up with someone.
It wasn’t me.
I detached from him and our relationship ended. I’ve discovered pathways to my own healing and a deep understanding of the trauma his 2007 affair caused and the secondary trauma of combat post traumatic stress we have been living with since 2005.
He still initiates conversation with me and attempts sexual intimacy a few times per week.
I feel better and am I sticking to my path
The 180 has helped me do that
Stick with it and it all will get better
luvedmypbear didn’t care what you thought. She knew she was a badass.
annb ( member #22386) posted at 9:33 PM on Tuesday, February 21st, 2023
Great job keeping him at arm's length. Discussions about finances and children only if you can.
Honestly, I wouldn't do a thing for him, no laundry, cooking, errands, etc. Is he still living in the home?
It's not easy, but I'm glad you are sticking to your values.
luvedmypbear (original poster member #25690) posted at 12:39 AM on Wednesday, February 22nd, 2023
Thank you annb!
Yes
He lives in our home but a separate room
Our oldest went from idolization to hatred in December with him but for the most part the 4 kids have no idea anything is wrong
We are cordial but I don’t speak first and leave the room if he enters
He is on his own journey
I’m on my own
And if we don’t find each other
That’s ok !
luvedmypbear didn’t care what you thought. She knew she was a badass.
Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 2:39 PM on Wednesday, February 22nd, 2023
Thank you for sharing your update! When I found out I would be alright regardless of what happened...it was quite a FREEING experience! Here's to you getting more free every day!!
A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.
With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)
I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!
From respect comes great love...sassylee
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