SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I agree with the idea that same sex doesn't change it. However, it does complicate things on the remedies.

Often, new boundaries are clearly established if R is desired. This many times includes no male friends in the case of a WW with a heterosexual infidelity past. What about now? She seems like she could be bi. So no friends of either sex? Tough call. I don't have a good answer here.

She's told me she won't put herself in that position ever again

She's cheated twice, it didn't just happen out of the blue, there was an opportunity and she took it

As for it being same sex, really doesn't matter, She's cheated fir the 2nd time and her reward are dates. You can't stop her going out, or working closely with human beings, if she's going to cheat, she will cheat.

The only question is are you willing to police and watch her for the rest of your life because if it happens a third time then what?

You already said your families are close, which means OW will be in your orbit..

In the end, at your age the question should be, "Do I want to live the rest of my life with a person who whenever she drinks too much is liable to act on her bisexuality?"

At 33 there is way more to life than living with a two time cheater, but one that denies her attraction to other women is a walking time bomb.

Your kids need a healthy parent. Right now mom is setting bad examples and self-destructing. You are taking all the emotional hits. Get healthy by getting out of this situation now, before it happens again.

(she offered to do it but I have since made it a requirement for R)

Let me re-phrase it for you a bit:

(she offered to do it but I have since made it a requirement for a chance at R)

R is not a 'given', but a prize to be earned by the WS, for the chance of getting the biggest prize, the BS.

My XW was in a same sex affair. At first it was "just" an EA over text messages and phone calls. I gave her the choice - stay married and stop or continue and divorce. She chose to try and stay. 3 years of NC and the EA started again and progressed to a PA.

When I realized that she either chose or discovered a new sexuality, my marriage was over. If your wife is gay it seems that your future is set. My former marriage essentially ended at 28 years, but we tried to overcome this and finally legally divorced after 32 years of marriage.

If she is bisexual, this could be overcome. But if she is gay, forget it. Both of you will be miserable. I and my ex are both much better off now.

[This message edited by countrydirt at 4:33 AM, Wednesday, January 25th]