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Newest Member: Julesanne

Reconciliation :
Reverse Trigger

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 emergent8 (original poster member #58189) posted at 8:44 PM on Tuesday, November 22nd, 2022

So the other day, I asked my husband to grab something out of my wallet for me as I was cooking dinner. He did, and in doing so he commented, "Do you know you still have this old hotel key card in here? Do you want me to throw it out?" The key card was from a hotel chain (think, the Four Seasons) that we had stayed at during a weekend away together several months prior. I guess I had shoved it in my wallet for safekeeping and forgotten about it. The whole thing was a total non-issue for him.

It got me to thinking that if the tables had been turned and I had found a hotel key card in his wallet, it likely would have caused me to question things. Even though I knew we had stayed in that chain of hotels several months ago (and therefore there was a perfectly reasonable reason for him to be in possession of such a key card) we live in a city where one of these hotels is located just down the street from his office building.

Basically, I am afforded the benefit of the doubt and he is not (despite having given me zero reason to suspect him of doing anything offside in the past 5+ years). It weirdly made me feel grateful. A kind of reverse trigger, if you will.

Anyone else?

Me: BS, Him: WS. Mid-late 30s.
Together 15 years, married 6 (11 m at D-Day).
D-Day: Feb 2017 (8 m PA with married COW).
5 years (and two toddlers) into R. Happy.

posts: 1026   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2017
id 8766322
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survrus ( member #67698) posted at 9:36 PM on Tuesday, November 22nd, 2022

When I showed my W a text from a woman at church wanting to go with me into the woods to pick wild fruit and telling me which day she had off, persimmons btw, and my W asked me "why are you showing me this". The woman is also about 20 years younger than me flirty and attractive.

I cannot imagine how I would feel if this were reversed.

But W was correct in that nothing would have happened if we went picking. My W was not interested in going along either.


When my W sends me to single female friends houses to fix things.

posts: 1232   ·   registered: Nov. 1st, 2018   ·   location: USA
id 8766331
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Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 2:39 PM on Wednesday, November 23rd, 2022

I hadn't really thought about this before...thanks for posting about it smile .

I wonder if this is a result of not having blind trust anymore? I don't think I would let anything slide that would be a red flag anymore. My H still has that blind trust with me...he has no reason not to...so something like this wouldn't cross his mind as to being suspicious.

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6321   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8766438
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