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Heartbreakforever (original poster new member #81085) posted at 2:47 PM on Wednesday, October 5th, 2022
Hi, I lost my husband to cancer in May this year (2022) I found out in September 2020 he'd been having a 5 month affair with a younger woman he met at work who'd already got a partner but basically told my husband she'd got a crush on him and would do anything he wanted.He admitted it was just a big ego thing and all about the sex and he felt good than a 54 year old woman wanted a 73 year old man !! I was younger than him at 62 and thought we had a lovely life together he told me every day he loved me, we did everything together yet he could lie to my face and go off and meet her for flirting and sex sessions and I never suspected anything and I 100 per cent trusted him. When I finally found out I was obviously devastated and never thought the same about him again but I did love him, he said he never stopped loving me and we decided to work on healing as neither of us wanted to be alone. We tried so hard to heal the marriage, had counselling and read books etc. He did what he could to try and help me but I never really forgave him and every couple of weeks I would pick fights, bring everything up and just couldn't accept what he'd done. I cried alot and it was on my mind what they'd done 24/7.
Then the bombshell that he'd got cancer and we went through that together even though sometimes I wasn't as caring as I should have been and I still brought the affair up and shouted at him. He died 10 months later and now I'm still so angry and hurt at what he did and sometimes feel guilty that we didn't resolve all our issues and I didn't make peace with it and still can't. He knew I still loved him but I couldn't forgive him. I still think about what he did every day and now he's left me to deal with the fallout for the rest of my life even though I know he couldn't help getting cancer and he didn't want to die and I'm lonely and missing him so much now.
I really want to know if anyone else has gone through something similar and if there is any end to the questions and the anger and how do you live with it - not being able to hear my husband now telling me how very sorry he is every day and that he regretted it so much hurting me as he thought I'd never find out. Also the hate and disgust I feel towards this woman who helped wreck my life for "just a bit of fun " as she told me !!
fareast ( Moderator #61555) posted at 2:57 PM on Wednesday, October 5th, 2022
So sorry you find yourself here. Sending you strength. Read in the healing library. You will find good support and others who have been through similar infidelity. This is an anonymous site. If your name is included in your post you will want to remove it. Good luck.
Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.
Hippo16 ( member #52440) posted at 4:57 PM on Wednesday, October 5th, 2022
Heartbreakforever:
Suggest you get this book: (Used going for under 10 bucks)
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
I think it would help you put your pain in place and help you move forward in life.
There's no troubled marriage that can't be made worse with adultery."For a person with integrity, there is no possibility of being unhappy enough in your marriage to have an affair, but not unhappy enough to ask for divorce."
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