LostAndHoping (original poster new member #80549) posted at 6:28 PM on Sunday, September 25th, 2022
Hi all. I haven’t posted in quite some time. I’ve been living in a fog the past few weeks. My husband decided to go ahead and file for divorce. I was shocked by this as he hadn’t said anything about it and we were communicating right up until the day I got served. He then asked me to please not contact him at all as he needs to move on with his life. His reasons are that he has given it a lot of thought and he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to trust me again and he can’t live the rest of his life wondering what I’m up to every time we’re not together.
At this time I’m honoring his request and not contacting him. As far as the divorce I guess we’ll let our lawyers work things out but he wasn’t to make it as painless as possible for both of us. I agree and I told him many times since DDay I had no interest in going after his house (he owned it before we even started dating) or his pension or anything. I am hurt of course that he doesn’t think I will ever earn his trust back. He also didn’t mention the fact that he also slept with another person after he found out.
No one at all seems to think I’m justified in being hurt by him sleeping with that other woman. Even my lifelong best friend kind of said "Well you can’t really blame him." I’m feeling very alone right now. My parents are mad at me, his sister who was one of my best friends hates me. My own sister loves to throw it in my face my life is a disaster. The friends I shared with my husband mostly seem to have cut me out of their lives.
So I won’t be posting for a while as I’m just still trying to wrap my head around everything that has happened.
Contrition2 ( new member #80613) posted at 8:13 PM on Sunday, September 25th, 2022
I haven’t commented, because I am the worst of the worst.
You are 30 years old & will probably remarry
Read this book until you can recite it
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Laura Schlessinger
I wish you well. The pain & guilt of our destructive ways, never leave.
Find a good therapist, before you commit to marriage again
BraveSirRobin ( Guide #69242) posted at 5:10 AM on Monday, September 26th, 2022
I'm so sorry, LAH. You aren't alone. I can't remember if I've recommended it to you before, but there's a thread for former WS who aren't in reconciliation in the I Can Relate forum. It doesn't get much action, but at least there are a few pages written by people who have survived what you're going through.
pureheartkit ( member #62345) posted at 6:14 PM on Tuesday, October 25th, 2022
You have loss too. Can't people show a little mercy and tenderness? My ws friends all stuck with him and I lost the family I loved. Yes it hurts very much. I felt very alone.
Be good to yourself and think about how you can grow in spirit and wisdom.
Every day is a step toward growing as a person. Believe in yourself and do acts of kindness wherever you go. You have so much to give. We are all here to learn.
Thank you everyone for your wisdom and healing.