I have been posting here as JustPlainLost for a while now. Unfortunately I somehow got locked out of my account. After several attempts to change my password and contacting the mods for help I got no response. So I created a new screen name.
I had promised to give a more detailed account of my affair here since I never went into too many details. Mainly out of shame for what I’ve done and reliving my actions really is painful for me.
In December of 2020 I stared an affair with a coworker. It started with kissing after a Christmas party and quickly moved to meeting at a hotel not far from where we worked on five occasions. We also did things in his car in the parking lot at work on one occasion.
My reasons in my mind for this were because I felt unappreciated by my husband. I felt he was being too harsh on me over financial concerns and resented him for this. I not justifying what I did. I am giving the reasons that I used to justify my actions at the time.
Also one of my friends from work was doing the same thing to her boyfriend and she made it out to be this fun adventure that she was having. Again I’m not blaming her. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I was looking for reasons to justify my behavior. So I did what I did.
I slept with my coworker on those five occasions between December of 2020 and February of 2021. I lied to my husband. I was cold to him. Pushed him away and was pretty much cruel to him leading up to this affair.
When my dad got sick in March of 2021 my husband was there for me in a way he had me been for a while. He loves my dad and he was so supportive of me. By contrast my AP got annoyed with me when I cancelled a planned netting with him so I could go to the hospital with my mom.
This caused me to have massive guilt over how I’d treated my husband and I broke down and cried and told him I was so sorry for everything. But still stopped short of admitting I had cheated on him.
I told my AP that I was done with him and didn’t want to see him anymore. He was terrified of our partners finding out and so was I and we said we’d never tell them. He went as far as getting a new job in the summer of 2021.
I ended up admitting my affair in November of 2021 out of guilt for what I’d done. I was having actual physical issues caused by nerves and guilt and again my husband was supportive thinking it was because of work related stress.
So after this he basically grey rocked my and we did live together for a while before head had one real bad blow up at me and basically threw me out of the house. I’ve been living first at my parent’s then with a friend since February of this year.
He admitted to me that he had a revenge affair over the spring with a woman he met through his job. Not a coworker but someone his job brought him into contact with.
We have been keeping in contact and having coffee once a week though. We have both been in contact with attorneys but we both have decided that we want to try and see if reconciliation is possible.
So last weekend when we met for coffee he asked me if I’d like to go to a baseball game with him last Saturday. I was nervous about this but I went anyway as we hadn’t spent any time together at all since before thanksgiving last year. We had a nice enough time at the game and both laughed a bit and enjoyed the game. So after the game when we alluded to our cars I kind of caressed his cheek a little and he took my hand and said "Not yet. I’m not ready for that yet." That was a little painful but I understand. That’s where we are right now. Tomorrow’s coffee meet up is off because he’s going to a concert in Pittsburgh with his half brothers.