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Newest Member: trustingyou

New Beginnings :
Getting over trust issues

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 Devastated (original poster member #102) posted at 5:29 PM on Thursday, August 11th, 2022

I’m now struggling with trust issues due to something in my new marriage. Does anyone have good advice or recommendations to get past these issues since my previous marriage. I never realized just how many there are that still affect me after so these years. I’ve explained to my wife that I’m going to need her help to rebuild our trust and that my previous marriage gave me all these issues that I need to work though but I’ll need her help and support also.

Thanks

Devastated

posts: 205   ·   registered: Jun. 13th, 2002   ·   location: Copperas Cove, TX
id 8750019
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twicefooled ( member #42976) posted at 6:39 PM on Thursday, August 11th, 2022

That's so hard. I'm sorry you are struggling in your new relationship.

If I was in your shoes, I would make a distinction between your what your new partner has done versus your baggage from your previous relationship. Because if your new partner has done something to break your trust, then your reaction is perfectly reasonable whether you've been a bs or not.

Ask yourself if this behavior is a pattern (in either the relationship or your dating history) or a sign of things to come. Because you didn't mention what happened, only you know if it's a red flag or not.

Just don't take anything on that you don't need to own due to your previous relationship.

May 29 2021 ***reclaimed myself and decided to delete my story with my ex because I'm now 7 years free from him and mentally healthier than I've been in years.

*********When you know better, you can do better*************

posts: 476   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2014
id 8750031
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 Devastated (original poster member #102) posted at 7:28 PM on Thursday, August 11th, 2022

I can go into some detail. I caught her doing something that was not cheating and after confirming that I did see it. I asked the general question are you hiding anything and she said no. I see the quick hand movement and all knowing that she was hiding something before that question. To her it was a misunderstand because she thought I was referring to something specific even though I asked a general question. Everything was great for 9 years till this. I’m not concerned if she was hiding this what else is there? I’m just trying to cut with my trust issues due to my last marriage which emotionally ruined me. Short story 6 years married to my ex and she was a habitual cheater with just random strangers thought the entire thing. My posts are lost due to being a while ago for the whole story

Devastated

posts: 205   ·   registered: Jun. 13th, 2002   ·   location: Copperas Cove, TX
id 8750040
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EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 1:58 PM on Friday, August 12th, 2022

I agree with previous poster - I had to constantly remind myself at first to judge this person on THEIR actions.

Everything was great for 9 years till this.

You are a good ways into this NB and everything was great until now. I would not let this fester. Get yourself into some IC to deal with your issue with trust so it does not damage your NB. This does two things - helps you work through this and get better coping skills as well as give you some unbias insight to whether some MC would be helpful.

Don't try to go it alone. You deserve a happy, healthy NB.

posts: 6762   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2009   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 8750140
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twicefooled ( member #42976) posted at 8:34 PM on Monday, August 15th, 2022

Thank you for the additional information Devestated.

That is a hard spot to be in.

What are your thoughts on next steps? I wouldn't let this fester, you are worth more than that. You deserve honesty and trust regardless of where it takes you.

May 29 2021 ***reclaimed myself and decided to delete my story with my ex because I'm now 7 years free from him and mentally healthier than I've been in years.

*********When you know better, you can do better*************

posts: 476   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2014
id 8750572
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 Devastated (original poster member #102) posted at 9:37 PM on Monday, August 15th, 2022

I'm not letting it fester, I'm actually going to counseling to get help with my trust issues, and the anxiety and depression that resulted from it. We are both working though it, and she does support me through all of it. I has not been easy, I also recommended Counseling for us both to help our relationship since I feel we both has lingering issues, myself from my past cheating relationship and her as well due to an abusive one. We have been working on being more open and not keeping things in if we can help it. I've been doing better with it all, but it's still tough. It's just like before a rollercoaster of emotions but this time my wife is helping and understands. I am so appreciative of her help with all this.

Devastated

posts: 205   ·   registered: Jun. 13th, 2002   ·   location: Copperas Cove, TX
id 8750581
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