It seems you are talking about a need to reclaim a wedding day, a beginning, a celebration. I think this is a beautiful step forward as you try to move away from the triggers and hurt of the old and toward the optimism of the new.
A wedding is important because it is a spiritual and public proclamation, so you will want to have something that feels grand for that reason. I realize the first vows were disregarded, but the idea is that this is a new start or second chance. So I think the grandness of the commitment does matter.
My opinion is that the new ceremony should combine letting go of the old and welcoming the new, and it should be very honest and shared in front of others--in person or video. I don't know where the two of you would feel best 'sending something off.' The sending off could be notes where you have each written your pain and regrets (rip and throw), could be your first, hopefully inexpensive wedding bands, could be something symbolic like feathers that represent the pain that floated between you or sand that represents each tiny hurt or injustice you have lived together. Then maybe you each say something short about "letting go of our old, damaged selves" and "letting go of the old marriage" (and old date), and then throw these things into...the ocean or Great Lake? Can you charter a boat? The mountains? Can you hike up to the top and take video? The top of the Empire State Building? Do you know anyone who can get you guys up to that secret little 103rd floor balcony?
After the letting go, you could move into a celebration of the new. Poems? Tattoos? Vows? You could do something symbolic like give each other blood in a vial like Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob did. Lol. Hey, whatever moves you! It has a certain specialness. Or a lock of hair? A special, personal possession that you each value (award, photo, religious symbol)? Claddagh rings? (Who doesn't love the two hands holding the heart?) New rings? What about having rings made where you each have half and it is complete only when together? Or infinity symbols?
And then lastly, I think the day/date should be specially chosen and acknowledged in your ceremony to truly reclaim the new date and let go of the old one. Maybe you even honor it to close out your ceremony. Maybe it's religiously significant like Christmas, or maybe it's your wife's birthday or her favorite grandmother's birthday? Maybe it's the first day of Spring? Or Winter Solstice? But by picking a day that is already full of beauty, you will feel even more honored to restart your journey of true commitment (says me, idk). You could close your ceremony by discussing the beauty of the date and how you will honor it by creating a beautiful new marriage.
I feel that by finding a wide open space to feel the vastness of possibility in this world--for growth and hope, using that wide open space to let go of all the hurt and bad memories, sharing in a special giving of both a gift or symbol and committed words, and then honoring the beauty of the new date and all it represents, you will really feel the significance of the moment. And a new, joyous event in your lives will be reclaimed and celebrated each year. If you decide on an intimate ceremony and take video, you can have a little reception/party when you get back and show friends and family.
Idk, it's just an idea! But maybe it will help you come up with something that feels right.
[This message edited by OwningItNow at 10:25 AM, Saturday, July 16th]