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New Beginnings :
Not able to open up


 Planetx (original poster member #44928) posted at 12:58 AM on Wednesday, May 11th, 2022

Hello all! It’s been a really long time since I’ve been here last. I wanted to reach out for any advice on getting through opening up with a new partner. I’ve been separated almost 3 years and divorced for 2. I’ve dated maybe a dozen people (just 1st or 2nd dates, I have been really picky) and have met someone super special that I’ve been dating about 3 months. I really want to open up to him and take things to the next level, but I feel like I can’t get close to him. I don’t want to miss a chance with him because he is wonderful. I also find myself constantly looking for red flags, but so far cannot find any. In theory, I feel healthy and ready for a serious relationship but any time an opportunity presents itself for me to discuss things deep or personal, I make a joke or deflect. He is a very kind person and I trust him and want to tell him how much I care about him, but can literally not force words I want to say out of my mouth.

Thanks in advance for reading! Would love to hear any insight or advice from others who felt similar and how you moved forward.

Divorced!DS 12 DS 6

posts: 151   ·   registered: Sep. 19th, 2014   ·   location: Indiana
id 8734609

BeingNaive ( member #30652) posted at 4:35 PM on Wednesday, May 11th, 2022

I know exactly what you are going through. I'm the same way. Met a great guy and I kept waiting for him to change or walk away. Honestly, I still wait for that to happen. It took me a very long time to open up to him, but I have been able to after 16 months. Somewhat.

Before then, I would try to talk and you're right, the words will just NOT come out. I started saying things like, "I enjoy talking to you". Later, it became something like "It's not that I don't want to tell you things, but I just can't yet. It has nothing to do with you, but with my past experiences, I'm unable to right now". Granted, it took me at least 8 months to even say that much.

With time and his patience, I have shared a lot with him. I still haven't said the words "I like you" nor can I usually admit things such as missing him. He understands and has learned that when I deflect a certain way, it isn't that I don't care, but that I can't say how I feel. He never guilts me or pressures me to give more than I can. He accepts that it is easier for me to show affection by thoughtful gifts and that my reaching out to him when I am upset shows that I do trust him. I'm very lucky.

I think if you tell him that it's hard for you to open up, but you're trying...he'll be like the guy I'm talking to. There are some really good ones out there. Looks like you may have found one yourself!

[This message edited by BeingNaive at 4:36 PM, Wednesday, May 11th]

posts: 271   ·   registered: Jan. 6th, 2011   ·   location: Michigan
id 8734699

 Planetx (original poster member #44928) posted at 3:11 AM on Thursday, May 12th, 2022

Thank you, that is very encouraging! I hope mine is as patient as yours.

Divorced!DS 12 DS 6

posts: 151   ·   registered: Sep. 19th, 2014   ·   location: Indiana
id 8734798
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