Topic is Sleeping.
Spaceman (original poster new member #80138) posted at 7:53 AM on Sunday, April 24th, 2022
I have been posting here for a while my story of wayward ways, attempts to rebuild myself and then divorce somewhere in the middle of all this.
Question my fellow WS - especially those who are on a good path, have have kids and +/- daily contact with their ex-es. How you processed the fact that ex started to date, especially if early after divorce? How it affected you, how you acted/reacted? Any ways in dealing with the triggers? Just trying to understand the range of emotions involved
[This message edited by Spaceman at 12:36 PM, Sunday, April 24th]
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 1:18 PM on Sunday, April 24th, 2022
I’m Not D but IMO, the X who starts to date early after the D is either afraid of being alone, is trying to find a replacement spouse or needs to be in a relationship as an ego boost.
My friend D a narcissist. Truly the guy was a narcissist. There was a terrible tragedy in the family and two days after the tragedy occurred this narc was on dating websites looking for his next hook up (the wife had no idea he was a serial cheater).
She then decided to D him. He then started "dating" openly while married just a month after a tragedy. What a jerk.
[This message edited by The1stWife at 7:38 AM, Monday, April 25th]
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Spaceman (original poster new member #80138) posted at 2:05 PM on Sunday, April 24th, 2022
I think my ex has an integrity, as in she usually makes the right choices. Maybe there is something about her moving fast and I was simply not able to understand some pain that she had. I was her second husband and her previous relationships also ended roughly 7 years in. Since I was emotionally not there many times, I really do not know that side of her (what an awful thing to say about the most important person in you life...).
I just wonder how to process about all this in a way that me being WS not to start some stupid blame-game and to avoid overthinking on my part....
[This message edited by Spaceman at 2:08 PM, Sunday, April 24th]
nomudnolotus ( member #59431) posted at 5:21 PM on Sunday, April 24th, 2022
She may have had enough long before you knew about it. She may have been done, and processed before the divorce happened.
It might be too soon, it might not but you have to keep reminding yourself that it's not your concern anymore. She's not your wife, she's doing nothing wrong by dating.
LonelyHolidays ( member #79775) posted at 7:30 PM on Sunday, April 24th, 2022
For me that’s the hardest part of my pending divorce. She not only dated him but moved in and seems to have not missed a beat after twenty years with me. I’ve heard that before that she was over me most likely so didn’t need to take time and heal. I can’t know what she was feeling but it’s really hard to see it happen. Sorry.
Tired of her games. BH. Married 20 years. 2 sons 16 and 20. Going through divorce since September, 2021.
Spaceman (original poster new member #80138) posted at 7:59 PM on Sunday, April 24th, 2022
nomudnolotus, thanks! That is probably the most healthiest way to approach this.
To be honest, I think by posting this my 'shadow' of pettiness wanted to raise its head and somehow find a reasoning to put down my ex, while she has not done anything wrong.
Technically we tried in January to go out on a dates, have fun, intimacy and recconect, but when it did not worked out, she was clear that she is out. So it is all fair and square. It is good to post here, i'must say :) Definitely helped me to avoid silly remarks tomorrows morning when picking up the kids.
I have this great arrangement with her about being involved in kids life's and would never ever sabotage that. As a WS I am really lucky with that part of divorce. On the other hand - it makes it even harder, as I know how reasonable and good woman my ex is.
Topic is Sleeping.
