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Newest Member: lrpprl

Wayward Side :
Why Can't I Forgive Myself


numb&dumb ( member #28542) posted at 5:10 PM on Wednesday, July 27th, 2022

My W has a similar issue. Usually when her stress level is at it's highest or when something in life happens that includes even a small betrayal.

Did anyhing recent happen to put this at the forefront in your mind?

My wife knows we are past the point I would bring her A up and get angry with her, but she did develop a being hard on herself phase during R. She did it because if she thought those things about herself then anything I could bring up did not sting as much. She thought if she pinished herself then I would not see the need to do so. To be fair I did punish her at times. Not proud of it, but it is not like I wanted her to suffer worse. I just wanted her to be suffering the same as I was at that time.

I think one thing that gets tied up with a BS'a forgiveness is that a lot of WS assume means it will naturally lead to them forgiving themselves. It rarely does.

I told my wife once that I can offer forgiveness to the wrongs committed against me (I did that for me BTW), but I can't forgive wrongs committed to others. I also can't offer absolution to her. I am not at that level grin

FWIW I would share this with your W. You might be amazed at her perspective and advice.

Dday 8/31/11. EA/PA. Lied to for 3 years.

Bring it, life. I am ready for you.

posts: 5033   ยท   registered: May. 17th, 2010
id 8747396
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