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Newest Member: KMS60087

General :
It's been a while. Triggers, safety net and just not sure what is next.

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 alwaystheenabler (original poster member #9235) posted at 4:02 AM on Thursday, January 13th, 2022

I became a member way back in 2005. It was a lifesaver finding this place. My husband had an affair for 5 years. I know...how could you not know. But I didn't. We owned our own contracting company that took us all over the US including Gitmo. The OW was "the" high school gf that was never far from my husband's thoughts. And while I had my suspicions that it would happen. I chose to ignore it. We were so happy, we were successful and our lives were great.
I was overweight and she had lost about 3 to 400 pounds thru gastric before she would see him and he fell in love. He hid this from me. My kids saw her before I did. My kids were middle school so needless to say, it messed them up. But when I confronted him, he ran. He wouldn't face me. But to make matters worse, his family was aware and even got them a place to stay. He bought her a BMW, paid off her home and bought her whatever she wanted. All the while leading me on. it was a mess. I went to jail for confronting them and throwing my cell at him. He had me arrested. Our employees knew about her. She wanted to sit down with my kids to let hem know know how much they were in love. But he wouldn't divorce me. I tried. I had him served. That should have told her something. I was a mess!! I was no good for my kids b/c I took it so hard. In the end, I lost my home, our business due to drugs and they broke up. We've been separated for 10 year now and he still wants to get back together. It was a mistake. He didn't love her. I'm not a pretty women, but I know that since I was the driving force behind our successful business and he hates to be alone, I can't help but feel the wants the security I offer.
I won't remarry because my kids have been thru enough and I won't have them spending separate holidays when I can be around him and feel nothing.
So this leads me to last night. He called me to say he wanted me back. He has not atoned for anything. He thinks b/c he hasn't been with anyone else that this should mean something really:!!!!! I told him our 35 anniversary came and went and if he wanted to atone to make things right, you would think he would have done something. My birthday?!!! - nothing But the most hurtful, he hasn't even been to our only granddaughters birthday She will be 4 in April. He said he didn't think it would matter. The one thing I asked was for him to tell her in front of me that it was me all along.....but he didn't do that. And now she has passed and I will never know.
I should have divorced him and if he wanted me back, we could have started over. I held on. He was my first, so I had so much love for him. But if I had any advice, it would be move on. IF you come back together, that's great. But don't wait. Don't make yourself crazy and please put your kids first. I'm just lucky they didn't turn out too bad. They survived, but not unscathed. Don't hold on. I wish I would have moved on. Just my opinion, but at least you will know if you are truly the one. I will never know. But I'm okay living my life alone. I'm okay being who I am. But it hurt not know that I was not "the one". Just put yourself first. Wish I had. Good luck and God Bless!!

We ended the relationship as friends.........you can reach him at lyingcheatingmotherfucker.com :)

posts: 2838   ·   registered: Dec. 31st, 2005   ·   location: Florida Panhandle
id 8709448
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ChamomileTea ( Guide #53574) posted at 5:59 AM on Thursday, January 13th, 2022

So, you're still married to him? That's a really long time to be in limbo. Are you thinking about moving on with D, or is R still a possibility for you?

BW: 2004(online EAs), 2014 (multiple PAs)Married 38 years; in R with fWH for 7

{edited for typos.. again}

posts: 4886   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2016   ·   location: U.S.
id 8709465
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 2:23 AM on Friday, January 14th, 2022

I'm glad you realize he's trying to manipulate his way back into your life.

I'm also glad that you are not falling for it. You are correct, and IMO he'd be using you.

Keep putting yourself first, and enjoy the time with your granddaughter.

posts: 11381   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 8709704
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Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 3:06 AM on Friday, January 14th, 2022

This is one of those stories where nobody is happy. You love him, he loves her, she is dead. And now he wants back in. Why are you even talking to him? He should be so far back in your rear view mirror that you can’t see him for the horizon.

When someone walks away let them go
TD Jakes

posts: 3109   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8709711
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