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General :
It's Over

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annb ( member #22386) posted at 9:03 PM on Thursday, January 13th, 2022

Just shaking my damn head here.

^^^^Ditto

WHY on earth would you ever want to see him again? You think he's going to squirm? Take that thought up with your therapist.

I don't think you are truly there yet and I am leaning toward you taking back this user and abuser again.

posts: 11381   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 8709620
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 FannyandCat (original poster member #74653) posted at 1:10 AM on Friday, January 14th, 2022

I promise all of you I’m never taking him back…never ever EVER.

When I saw her standing behind us I asked if he knew her and he said he didn’t. We had it out when he came over that night and he swore he didn’t know her and that he wouldn’t be at my house if he was with her. So if I became an OW it wasn’t intentional. If anything SHE was the OW because she didn’t know about me,

Reading the posts I have to say that avoiding him at all costs is a good idea. That if I see him leave the vicinity as quickly as possible. What he thinks of that is of no concern. I am so utterly disgusted by the thought of being in the same air space as him that if it means having a different routine for awhile to avoid a sudden case of nausea then I’m better off for it.

On a more macro level I have to delve into why I thought I could buy his loyalty. Why I thought that if I bought him this or did that he’d magically turn into the man of my dreams. It wasn’t meant to be manipulative more that it me trying to show him…proof that I was the woman he should have on his arm. One big question I have is why after he showed me again and again that he didn’t value me I kept trying. Why I didn’t walk away…why I didn’t value myself enough to say ENOUGH.

[This message edited by FannyandCat at 1:12 AM, Friday, January 14th]

posts: 165   ·   registered: Jun. 24th, 2020
id 8709693
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 9:19 AM on Friday, January 14th, 2022

why I didn’t value myself enough to say ENOUGH.

So then why won’t you go to a different grocery store or gas station or stop driving by the bar he goes to??

We here at SI all know the answer. We are hoping YOU start to realize the answer.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 11155   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8709734
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 FannyandCat (original poster member #74653) posted at 10:59 PM on Monday, January 17th, 2022

Had a good weekend with friends and brought up the grocery store scenario...

The consensus is I shouldn't drop everything and leave but instead treat him like the stranger by the produce section picking out oranges. He is nothing but a stranger - look past him and continue shopping.

He isn't someone I want to associate with and although I would prefer to never see him again if I do he is what I would call a non-factor...he's nothing. I'm taking strides to make that happen - looking for another job so we don't work for the same company anymore, blocking him on my phone and taking everything he gave me and either selling it or throwing it away. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

In other news my friends have been nothing short of amazing. They are thrilled beyond belief that the fog has lifted and he's out of my life.

I went out to dinner last night with a good friend who gave me a line on a fantastic job...it pays twice what I'm making and it's right up my alley. He's also getting in touch with a friend of his to see if he'll take my car - the car Mr. Anything but Wonderful picked out for me. I'd love nothing more than to sell it and get something cheaper - the payments on my car are ridiculous. And it's a very unique car so it would be one less thing he'd recognize around town. We had some laughs over sushi and he's considering it payment for the support I've given him while he goes through his divorce process. We are JUST FRIENDS and have been for a few years...he knows I'm in no position for any type of romantic relationship and even if I was it wouldn't be with him.

So the goals are: new job, new car and NEW LIFE. :)

posts: 165   ·   registered: Jun. 24th, 2020
id 8710382
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 1:47 AM on Tuesday, January 18th, 2022

Add in a new supermarket and gas station too!

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 11155   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8710399
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 9:02 PM on Tuesday, January 18th, 2022

The consensus is I shouldn't drop everything and leave but instead treat him like the stranger by the produce section picking out oranges.

Indifference is what you want. You just need to be sure that you can pull it off when your paths cross. New job and new car is definitely steps in that direction also.

posts: 886   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8710532
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