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Newest Member: 39Robbo

Reconciliation :
still "not over it"

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This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 7:41 PM on Monday, January 10th, 2022

LV316,

Was the affair a dealbreaker for you? Would it have been if I asked before you discovered the affair?

Do you actually have the internal flexibility the live with this? It's ok if you don't. It's ok if you do.

Sounds more like you are denying your own internal moral compass, than that you are having trouble with anything else.

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 1652   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8708891
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BellaLee ( member #58324) posted at 1:01 PM on Thursday, January 13th, 2022

Hi @LV316 I'm so sorry you're having to deal with the pain of betrayal and I do understand the emotions you're going through.

I know from my own experience that healing takes time and the R process can be a roller coaster of emotions but I also know that there can be light at the end of this tunnel. IC and my faith really helped me in my healing journey and processing the pain I was going through, the truth is some days were harder than others but everyday I got stronger emotionally.

With MC, we realized there had been many issues in our marriage that we had rug swept and not dealt with and we were able to start addressing them so we could move forward with R.
For me, I think the triggers were less as over time I saw true and sincere remorse from my H both in his words and actions and he doing all he could to rebuild the broken trust.

Do you think your H is understanding of how painful the triggers are for you, 8 years on and can you really express to him how you're feeling when it happens? I only ask because for a long time in our R process, it was hard for me to express how I felt and this really did not help me move forward.

I think it's good that you've resumed counseling because sometimes we still need it and I really do hope it helps you as you continue your R journey.

You asked how do you manage the pain of the past and I think for me it was both of us intentionally creating new loving memories and moments in our relationship that helped. This meant the pain was not taking center stage in my emotions anymore.

My prayer for you is that the near future brings complete healing for your emotions, strength and wisdom for the days ahead and true R for your marriage.

Stay strong dear friend!

posts: 180   ·   registered: Apr. 18th, 2017
id 8709494
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 1:34 PM on Thursday, January 13th, 2022

How long did he continue to have contact, of any kind,with OW?

How long did he continue to lie?

What has he done to become a safe partner ?

What has he done to repair the damage done to your children?

Does he expect you not to talk about it?

posts: 3876   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8709498
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