At this point, we have no co-parenting relationship really.
In his mind, our parenting relationship will get much better with time and that will then make our daughter feel better about their relationship. rolleyes So of course, she feels the way she does because of our co-parenting relationship.
This. The way things are now set up is perfect for shifting the blame onto you. How about instituting true parallel parenting rather than continuing the co- parenting type communication now in play? Codify new boundaries. Grey rock - kids and finances only (at your convenience) seems to be the way to keep your sanity so you can be present for your kids. "Yes" "no" and "noted" are complete answers. Less opportunities for him to push your buttons. No phone calls. Maybe set up a family planning app? All kid's games, parent teacher conferences, etc. go straight into the app. He has access. If he wants to attend it's up to him. And he can't claim it's somehow your fault if he doesn't choose to get involved. Seems like you need to take yourself out of this loop.
Why did he choose to triangulate with you and D now? The holidays are prime time for manipulators. Image management perhaps - "I tried to be closer to D but blah blah blah blame shift, she wouldn't even talk to me during the holidays". If he's a narc?? the urge to gain centrality anyway he can is the priority, not your D. And he certainly did claim center stage during the last few weeks, so he succeeded in making it about him - at the expense of you and your kids. The second to last paragraph of your previous post shows he got under your skin. Which is understandable 'cuz he is a self-centered jerk. If you take yourself out of the triangulation tripod the triangulation doesn't work anymore. Easier said than done - you want to protect your kids from further hurt.
You did a great job negotiating a tough situation during the emotionally fraught holiday season. I bet the whole improving his relationship with D agenda will cool now that the holidays are in the rearview mirror. Firming up existing ground rules around future interactions now (HE is in charge of his communication with D, - if she ignores him that's her choice for example) should help to avoid these situations going forward---???. Maybe work with her counselor to help her set new boundaries around their communication . 11 months to go until holiday season 2022! Best wishes to you and your kids.
[This message edited by BoundaryBuilder at 10:02 PM, Tuesday, February 1st]
