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Wayward Side :
1 year vendetta affair

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 Liob (original poster new member #79605) posted at 12:18 AM on Saturday, November 20th, 2021

December 2019 I had a fwb of 1 year. That month I met someone online and we met hooked up, got on really well and went on days out. He then asked if I had seen anyone in the few weeks we had been going out. I admitted to seeing my fwb once. He made me send a message to my fwb to end it. Which I did but that is when I realised I had very very strong feelings for my fwb. My fwb gave me a ultimatum of him or the new guy. I chose the fwb and ended it with the new guy, but we kept in touch. The new guy about 1 month later admitted that in December he was living with his ex partner (the mother of his children) apparently they had separated but they did sleep together once when he found out about my fwb. Once I was out of the picture they tried again but they were living at different properties. Apparently it lasted 1 week.

March 2020 I agree to meet the "new man" again as he has been pursuing me. We met and we said we will see where it goes. I had my fwb on the side though. He trusted me when I said I had got rid. So for 5 months I saw the fwb behind his back, the new guy even moved closer to be with me. August 2020 was the last time I saw my fwb as I knew I loved the new guy. I put a stop to it. However the new guy found it all out in October 2020. He went mental,hit me but moved in with me because he wanted to try and make it work. Everyday he treated me badly with words. He did hurt me on some occasions. I was remorseful of what I did and tried to make it up to him, allowing access to my phone, having cctv up.

However unbeknown to me the new guy started seeing the mother of his kids again in August 2020. Even whilst living with me he used to travel to see her. He moved out of my house in March 2021. But we carried on with our relationship. It all came to ahead in August 2021 when he revealed he knew what I was upto and started a vendetta against me. He even moved her and his kids up here and lived together without my knowledge. When I found out in August I was somewhat releaved as it meant the verbal and emotional abuse would stop. But it didn't. He harassed me saying he wanted me back but still carrying on in a relationship with her. I have had to take out a non mol order as his harrasment got that bad. 2 weeks ago he moved out of the family home and says he is now split with his ex. He made the wrong choice and chose the wrong person as she was the safe option. He is showing me that he will do everything he can to show me he wants to fix this and get us back together for the future he sees. I get sucked into what he says sometimes but then I remember how he treated me when Apparently he loved me. He told his ex partner about 5 weeks ago that he still loves me. She was happy to be part of his vendetta by sleeping with him behind my back for over a year. She is used to him cheating on her over the last 20 years. Apparently its karma but he now realises what a mess he has caused, I'm his sole mate blah blah. He is having counseling for his behaviour.

Is this just a while toxic set up that will never work out? How do I even move passed what he did? I hate him at times. He seems so certain that he has changed and will never hurt me again. He just didn't know how to get out of the situation even though there was loads of times.

Help, advice, opinions in great need please. Is it possible for a future?

posts: 4   ·   registered: Nov. 17th, 2021   ·   location: United Kingdom
id 8699397
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BraveSirRobin ( member #69242) posted at 1:14 AM on Saturday, November 20th, 2021

Hmmmm. Well, let's start with this: why would you want a future with an abusive man? What makes that an appealing idea for you? Do you think you don't deserve better? Have you received that kind of treatment before, and from whom?

Why did you hide the FWB? If you wanted to continue to see them both, why not just say so? You didn't have to promise exclusivity to either one. If the answer is that you wanted to hold on to both options while knowing that neither would agree to share you, did you have a justification in your own mind for why that was ok to do? Did you have a plan for how to wrap things up, or were you not looking at the future at all?

WW/BW 50s (Me)
BH/WH 50s (TimeSpiral)

posts: 2136   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2018
id 8699401
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WalkinOnEggshelz ( Administrator #29447) posted at 1:41 PM on Saturday, November 20th, 2021

Duplicate post. Please support this member in General.

Me: WS late 40’s
Him: BH (HoldingTogether)
D Day: 7/24/2010
If you keep asking people to give you the benefit of the doubt, they will eventually start to doubt your benefit.

posts: 14481   ·   registered: Aug. 27th, 2010   ·   location: Texas
id 8699445
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