Aubrie (original poster member #33886) posted at 5:05 PM on Friday, November 12th, 2021
W2BHA, good to see you're still around spreading smiles and sunshine.
Your children are absolutely not allowed to be teenagers. Nope! They are those cute younguns I met in 2015.
Girl, it's crazy isn't it!? 16 and 13. I blinked and it happened. If I did nothing else right in this life, one thing I've taught them is boundaries on all fronts. This stage has got to be my favorite. They're coming into themselves. Turning into little adults before my eyes. We have the most fascinating conversations that I and my husband was never able to have with our parents. We broke the cycle. They trust us, they confide in us, we all learn and grow together. No subject is off the table. I've been asked some weeeeeeird stuff. But the fact remains, they felt safe enough to open the discussion. We can handle it. (And their friends all call me a cool mom.)
Hello Dragn and DF, hope you're both doing well.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
ISurvivedSoFar ( member #56915) posted at 12:25 PM on Saturday, November 13th, 2021
BS here and I'm going to a bit of a T/J after I tell you how great it is to learn of your story. I'm closing in on five years out and have gained a lot of perspective over that time period and with the help of the great folks on this site.
We dealt with the bulk of that off-site because I'd posted about it and some people were pissed that I had the audacity to be hurt. I didn't have the mental energy to fight through this with my husband and on site.
I have to say that in year 1 and probably year 2 after d-day, I would have been one of those who scoffed at a WS feeling badly that their BS had hurt them. Why? Because for quite some time I fought the very strong urge to hurt my WS in a vengeful way. I wanted so much for him to feel some modicum of the devastation he foisted on me.
But now with perspective and having joy back in my life I can view this very differently. It is true that there is a lot to forgive oneself for and in particular it is those elements of a point in time when life wasn't fair and it left self-esteem to someone else. That is not the fault of anyone who suffered abuse at the hand of someone else. It's a great depiction of the precarious walk a WS has to do by recognizing the need to maintain accountability and deliver some level of restitution while at the same time allowing oneself to really understand the impact the past has on the present.
Well done and a pleasure to read your post!
DDay Nov '16
Me: BS, a.k.a. MommaDom, Him: WS
2 DD's: one adult, one teen,1 DS: adult
Surviving means we promise ourselves we will get to the point where we can receive love and give love again.