Newest Member: Serenity7

Divorce/Separation :
My divorce nightmare

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 Dawn37 (original poster Member #74101) posted at 6:51 PM on Friday, September 3rd, 2021

Hi all 馃挄 it鈥檚 been a while since I have posted but here goes!!!!

So I started divorce proceedings against my exH in January after separating last feb (he left to be with his OW). Since this he has become so callous and nasty towards me. My terms of my divorce are I want to claim some of his pension and stay in my house for 3 years until I qualify from university and am in a position to possibly buy him out of the marital home! However, he is now living with OW and wants me to sell NOW. Not only this, he has lumped a 9k credit card debt (all his) into the divorce, wants me to pay all surveyor / property sale fees. Also, when we bought our home my ex in laws gifted us with a 10k sum to use as a down payment / deposit on our home, we have this in writing and have a document signed by them stating that the money was a gift, however, my exH now wants this money back when we sell our home. I cannot stop crying, this man who I loved and had an affair, broke my world up is being so horrible towards me and I have no strength to keep fighting him. Can anyone please offer any advice sad

posts: 79   路   registered: Mar. 25th, 2020   路   location: united kingdom
id 8687057
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The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 8:22 PM on Friday, September 3rd, 2021

Do you have legal representation

If not you may need to get someone to represent you.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10526   路   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8687072
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 Dawn37 (original poster Member #74101) posted at 9:23 PM on Friday, September 3rd, 2021

The 1st wife - yes I do have legal representation. I just feel emotionally tired of all exH BS

posts: 79   路   registered: Mar. 25th, 2020   路   location: united kingdom
id 8687080
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The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 10:31 PM on Friday, September 3rd, 2021

I hear you! He just wants to continue his two year old temper tantrum like behavior and take all the toys and go home. duh

Fight what you can especially the down payment.

Give in where you must to make him go away if you want to end this.

Or just refuse any snd all offers until you can buy him out. That could take years if you have it in you too fight him that long.

mad Try to ignore what you can. It鈥檚 better for you to only engage on a limited basis.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10526   路   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8687084
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ChamomileTea ( Member #53574) posted at 10:16 PM on Saturday, September 4th, 2021

In order to prevent additional emotional distress... stop talking to him. Block him and go NC. If he's got divorce things to discuss, his lawyer can contact your lawyer. Yes, that'll be more expensive for him than needling you through text, email, and phone calls, but it puts the onus on HIM to think about what it is that he truly needs to say. Just send him a message saying that you no longer want ANY contact from him and that he should take his divorce concerns up with his attorney.

Divorce is business. In most cases, you're tossing all the assets and all the debts into a pile and dividing it equally. Some things will offset others. You might trade what you would get out of his pension for home equity, for example. If he's spent quite a bit of your marital funds on the AP, you might ask for half that money back. If the 10k his parents gave was a gift, it's home equity now, so that would be divided. His 9k in debt might be a marital debt or it might not, depending on whether you were married at the time, etc. You're still in school, so depending on what your standard of living was, it might save your STBX some alimony if he cooperates with your education goals. These things are better left to the attorneys to sort out. It's why you're paying them.

posts: 4520   路   registered: Jun. 8th, 2016
id 8687152
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Charity411 ( Member #41033) posted at 4:32 AM on Monday, September 6th, 2021

If he wants to lump in a 9K credit card debt that's all his, have your attorney request the transaction records. I guarantee much of that total will have been spent on courting the OW. I went through this. When we met for mediation, my attorney questioned him about expenditures that were clearly spent on his affair partner, including thousands of dollars worth of clothing, jewelry and entertainment. His own attorney, after seeing these transactions, told him to back off and give me what I wanted. Even he was appalled.

The hardest thing about what you are facing is that this man went from being your best friend and husband, to being your enemy. You have to start seeing him that way. If you keep thinking the better of him, he will take advantage of you. It's hard as hell, but you need to focus on beating the enemy that he has become.

posts: 1530   路   registered: Oct. 18th, 2013   路   location: Illinois
id 8687260
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thatbpguy ( Member #58540) posted at 4:55 AM on Monday, September 6th, 2021

You're letting him abuse you. STOP IT!

You have an attorney. Place it in their hands. Just ghost his sorry fanny.

ME: BHHer: WWDDay 1, R; DDay 2, R; DDay 3, I leftDivorcedRemarried to a wonderful woman

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis

As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly...

posts: 4451   路   registered: May. 2nd, 2017   路   location: Vancouver, WA
id 8687264
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