Newest Member: Serenity7

Reconciliation :
Nightmare

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 PersephoneEris (original poster New Member #77237) posted at 7:28 AM on Wednesday, August 11th, 2021

I do have family that would support me no matter what I decided, but none that could offer us a place to stay at this time. It makes it hard. It also makes it hard that they don’t really like him anymore, I don’t know why but it makes me feel bad for him. They understand why I stay, but they would prefer I left. I’ve always said that he is a good person, just a bad husband and a hands off dad.

I know logically that he’s emotionally and verbally abusive. I could even say that he’s been close to physically at times. I don’t know why I don’t feel…I dunno, more upset or worried? I don’t know what I feel other than sad. I’m sad and lonely a lot.

I can’t get over the cheating, even if it was only one drunken night. It changed everything for me. What I felt about him and us and especially myself. I don’t know if I’ll ever love him again. And now with him being mean/angry again, I don’t know if I even wanna try. I’m so exhausted. I can’t even make decisions about anything.

I know I’m probably scared of being alone and after everything I’ve been thru I have no confidence that I’d be anything but alone. I know it’s not a good reason, but it’s certainly motivating.

I really appreciate all of the comments and support here. I’m gonna try to take what advice I can truly make myself stick to, like not staying to be yelled at and not cleaning up his messes anymore. I’d love to say I’d take all the advice, but I’m not there. Hopefully someday I will be because I’m losing faith that he’s gonna be the amazing man I fell in love with and need so desolately.

Me: 34 BW
Him: 38 ONS WH
Married: 5 years, together 7.5 years
Dday: 8/21/20; one week after ONS
Relationship status: unsure, in MC

posts: 21   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2021   ·   location: North Idaho
id 8682771
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Anna123 ( Member #70908) posted at 3:07 PM on Thursday, August 12th, 2021

I don’t know why but it makes me feel bad for him

Yes on some level many of us feel that way. It is unrelated to whether you stick around for more abuse though. Don't let your good heart destroy your life.

because I’m losing faith that he’s gonna be the amazing man I fell in love with and need so desolately.

This loosing faith part is good even though it hurts so terribly. This will help you move to the next steps needed. The part about needing him so desperately is an illusion. You need to be away from him even more desperately.

Your head is having difficulty making decisions because he has it in a blender. Keep reading all of the advice here because he will keep whipping your heart and mind around and you need to start grounding yourself by repeating what you know in your own mind. A list of advice, reminders of his actions, a list of what to do next etc. It helped me when I was in the whirlwind you are in now as he continues to confuse you either on purpose or not.

There is no rush. You can take it one step at a time. Also, remember to drink lots of water and keep some healthy food going. It is important as you work your way through this.

Take care.

posts: 620   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8683039
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CoderMom ( Member #66033) posted at 2:08 AM on Wednesday, September 1st, 2021

That is a very rough patch to be in. Marriage is a two-way street and it takes both people to make it succeed and not just survive.

There are things that you mention that make me cringe, like what sounds like some verbal abuse and to that I would tell you to please get counseling and seek help. No one should have to tolerate that kind of behavior in any relationship.

However, if you feel that maybe you are not 100%, the only person you can change in your marriage is yourself. You can't do anything about his behavior, his words, his attitude, his response to you. The only person you can affect change in is yourself.

There is a saying that goes "pull the plank out of your own eye before pulling the splinter out of your _________(fill in the blank)'s eye.

In other words, no one is perfect and we should be addressing our own issues first before ever casting fault on someone else.

Another saying... "... those who are blameless, cast the first stone...".

I would also suggest a good movie... The War Room (2015). Best Regards...

posts: 223   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2018
id 8686551
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