I do have family that would support me no matter what I decided, but none that could offer us a place to stay at this time. It makes it hard. It also makes it hard that they don’t really like him anymore, I don’t know why but it makes me feel bad for him. They understand why I stay, but they would prefer I left. I’ve always said that he is a good person, just a bad husband and a hands off dad.
I know logically that he’s emotionally and verbally abusive. I could even say that he’s been close to physically at times. I don’t know why I don’t feel…I dunno, more upset or worried? I don’t know what I feel other than sad. I’m sad and lonely a lot.
I can’t get over the cheating, even if it was only one drunken night. It changed everything for me. What I felt about him and us and especially myself. I don’t know if I’ll ever love him again. And now with him being mean/angry again, I don’t know if I even wanna try. I’m so exhausted. I can’t even make decisions about anything.
I know I’m probably scared of being alone and after everything I’ve been thru I have no confidence that I’d be anything but alone. I know it’s not a good reason, but it’s certainly motivating.
I really appreciate all of the comments and support here. I’m gonna try to take what advice I can truly make myself stick to, like not staying to be yelled at and not cleaning up his messes anymore. I’d love to say I’d take all the advice, but I’m not there. Hopefully someday I will be because I’m losing faith that he’s gonna be the amazing man I fell in love with and need so desolately.
Me: 34 BW
Him: 38 ONS WH
Married: 5 years, together 7.5 years
Dday: 8/21/20; one week after ONS
Relationship status: unsure, in MC