Newest Member: Maifurrypurt

Wayward Side :
8 yrs tomorrow...

Topic is Sleeping.

 15yrsinthemaking (original poster member #75828) posted at 6:24 AM on Tuesday, July 13th, 2021

8 yrs ago tomorrow I was caught posting online for another man...

And then I continued to lie to my BH about my actions about this about the infidelity from the beginning of our relationship.

2 days from now will be 3 months since I came clean to my BH about everything.

I'm currently spiraling on my own hellish rollercoaster.

I feel so selfish for having these feelings. I think about what my BH must be feeling and it breaks my heart it keeps me up at night.

BH and I have been on a 17 day smooth streak and with everyday I build more confidence in myself and my BH feels more confident in our marriage.

Is it normal for a WS to have triggers around dates that impacted the marriage or their BH/BW?

One sunrise at a time

posts: 122   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2020
id 8675044

foreverlabeled ( member #52070) posted at 7:21 PM on Tuesday, July 13th, 2021

Is it normal for a WS to have triggers around dates that impacted the marriage or their BH/BW?

Of course it is. In fact I would say it is abnormal not to have triggers. I imagine you are feeling something along the lines of grieving. Any loss especially big losses like this requires you to grieve as its the healthy thing to do. Doesn't feel like it, but the process remains the same.

Its okay to feel that hurt on these antiversaries. Or any other day for that matter.

33 divorced Madhatter
Time is no ones friend, nor their enemy. It moves forward at its own fixed pace, careless of our wants to speed it or slow it.

posts: 2515   ·   registered: Mar. 1st, 2016   ·   location: southeast
id 8675202

Sylv3520 ( new member #78964) posted at 4:52 PM on Sunday, July 18th, 2021

Its totally normal! It just shows that for you too this was a traumatic event and that you acknowledge these painful dates. If you forgot or didn't care, THAT would be something to look into but its clear that you are feeling this pain.

posts: 4   ·   registered: Jun. 17th, 2021   ·   location: Canada
id 8676571

EvolvingSoul ( Guide #29972) posted at 7:26 PM on Sunday, July 18th, 2021

you are feeling something along the lines of grieving.

I have experienced this also. We just passed the 11 year mark for D-day and almost the 10 year mark for going all in on reconciliation. We've made it to the far shore. It took packing 30 years worth of my growing up into 10, but it worked and we both like who I am now and we like who we are together.

One of the results of rewiring your brain to become a mentally healthy and safe person to be in relationship with is that you gain the critical awareness to see just how broken you were when you were making the choice to betray.

As I've reflected on my own broken past self, I feel sorrow and compassion for her because I know the hurt and the harm her choices will bring to BS and herself. I wish I could hand her the wholesome tools she needs. I also feel as if there is a lost version of me somewhere who learned those tools much earlier in life and thus didn't go down the dark path at all. I think it's this unrealized version of myself and the marriage that BS and I could have had all along that I grieve for. Milestone dates and annual dates tend to stir it up.

Just keep swimming. Best to you from this still EvolvingSoul.

Me: WS (60)Him: Shards (55)D-day: June 6, 2010Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

We’re going to make it.

posts: 2531   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2010   ·   location: The far shore.
id 8676592
Topic is Sleeping.
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