Newest Member: Loyalandbetrayed

Just Found Out :
Just found out...again

Topic is Sleeping.

tushnurse ( Member #21101) posted at 1:18 PM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

I'm going to be really blunt here so I hope this doesn't hurt too much...

You need to read up on the 180, for yourself. Then you need to implement it. Again for yourself. Not to win him back. This man doesn't deserve you, or your family. He is a petulant child that does whatever he wants with no seemingly real consequences. He says he will make changes, but he hasn't. He thinks if he toes the line with you for a while you will settle down, and forget this latest transgression.

Get an attorney. Learn your rights.

See your Dr get STD tested, and for gods sakes make him do the same, and if he throws a hissy too damn bad people that have a history of committing A's have no right when they spend the night with someone other than their spouse AND lie about it.

Figure out what you want. More of the same, or to stop allowing this man to break you, your self esteem, your confidence, and your heart. You deserve better, he clearly isn't interested in giving you better.

Take back some control over your own life. Kick him out of your bedroom, if you aren't ready to file for D, don't, but there's nothing wrong with making him understand you are reaching the end of your rope, and as we always say here it's actions that matter, so take some action.

Him: FWS
Kids: 21 &23
Married for 28 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 18921   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8674730

The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 10:13 PM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

TushNurse has great advice. Please listen.

He’s not making you or your marriage a priority.

He says one thing (will quit the golf club) but does the opposite.

I’m so glad a lying cheater can “swear” nothing happened at the woman’s house. It’s good to know he thinks he the smartest guy in the room and we all believe him.

Get your plan B together. It is possible this OW is still in the picture.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10517   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8674940

Bigger ( Guide #8354) posted at 11:43 AM on Tuesday, July 13th, 2021

I sometimes contemplate basing all of my life-decisions on whatever tushnurse says…

One of the major leashes holding people back is fear of the unknown.

I am not going to suggest you divorce, but I am strongly suggesting you do what tushnurse tells you and consult with an attorney.

Do some research on what divorce would look like for you. IF you filed… what would happen? What is the likely outcome?

Right now IMHO you are facing two options:

Remaining in a comparable situation as you have been for the last year(s). Your H might stay closer to home for some months, but he won’t quit the golf-club. He will still insist the tracker is always on, but you will go crazy monitoring him all the time. He will still get drunk and insist the safest option was to stay somewhere else (rather than take a taxi home or get a ride or phone you to pick him up). He will still be pouty at any event if it doesn’t involve alcohol, golf, nekid women or fast cars…

This might even be something you could be OK with because you KNOW it.


You research divorce and no longer fear it. It’s a change, definitely, but you can accept it. Once you no longer fear the unknown (because it’s mostly known…) you finally have the tool that MIGHT make your husband change. Or not.. bottom line is that 2-3 years from now YOU will be happy with or without him.

I want to stress I’m not telling you to file. But once you know what D is… do the 180 knowing that it’s not only detaching, but also preparing you to act in accordance to his reactions. If he sees the 180 as a great reason to play more golf and stay out more nights… well… you have your answer.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 9858   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8675062
Topic is Sleeping.
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