Strength! You are in the next phase now, she has the divorce papers and her affair with OM is being undermined, the affair and AP now no longer are the fantasy and fun but she is starting to feel and experiencing the negative consequences.
Important here is that she would consider a) the affair a 'bad thing', but also b) would consider the AP a 'bad person', if you can get her to start to hate the guy even the better, and c) her own wayward behavior 'bad behavior'. By not only denoting the 'affair' as bad, but also the 'person' and the 'behavior', you open multiple fronts and make things more overwhelming but also more tangible to her.
Accordingly by now may feel you are getting back in control again and that she becomes/appears more cooperative.
I was surprised actually because she offers me unlimited sex and that I can cheat on her. I was taken aback and I just said I'll think about it. Anyone has ever encountered this? What did you guys do?
Yes I was offered this, but did not accept the offer for multiple reasons. First of all, I did not want to lose the moral high ground, you need that to make change happen. Further, it would not have been my own voluntary choice, but a byproduct of having been cheated upon. Furthermore, as another member here already mentioned, the wayward wife would go off every night with another guy, while men have it more difficult in finding a willing partner thus things would be uneven and unequal (and thus a root for problems). Also, me having sex with another person does not make any repairs. Also, I did not enter the closed relationship to have an open relationship, thus having an open relationship would highly likely have been not something that I would have wanted anyway. It is a LANDMINE.
AP asked if my wife and I were separating. And to that my wife said, "I won't let that happen".
She says she does not want to seperate but still I found this disturbing to read. She did let the infidelity happen and thus is the cause of this all, but does not truly admit it to herself? But foremost, apparently her attitude is still that she is the one who makes the decisions in, and what happens to, your relationship with her, as seen from a power struggle perspective, she still thinks she can do anything she wants to you and the relationship (even if it would cost some fake tears and acting remorseful). A truly remorseful WW would be crying at your feet and begging you for a new chance, but also and foremost would be doing everything to make YOU feel safe and good (e.g., breaking all contact with OM, hating the guy) and be in full despair and in complete loss of hope, and giving you all power. Her statement reflects that she still is the boss? Is she?
I finally had the courage to tell my supervisor and he was generous enough to give me a paid day off.
Great that your supervisor reacted in this way, the people around you want to know how things are with you, and are often more willing to help and comfort than one would expect, and by sharing the good times but also the bad things, which is your every right because it is what happens in your life, you can also show those people that your bond with them is sincere and that deepens, and contributes, to the quality of the social relationships.
Strength, step by step, and best wishes.