Newest Member: girlangry89

Just Found Out :
My wife is having an affair.

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tushnurse ( Member #21101) posted at 11:12 PM on Tuesday, June 15th, 2021

You need to see an attorney or 3.

Stop interacting with her as much as possible kids only.

Once you have conferred with attornies and know who you want to use and that you want be exported then you file. Don't tell her you are just do it.

Like others have said keep track of all her times away and when she refuses to be their mother.

Your kids need one healthy sane parent. Looks like that's going to be you. So regardless of what you want it is time to step up and take control back. No more. Your kids need to see that this is not what an M is. Lead by example.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 21 &23
Married for 28 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 18936   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8667649
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Talisman ( Member #75398) posted at 12:10 AM on Wednesday, June 16th, 2021

So its good that you have got a job. You are in a better position to move on. You already know that you cannot change her behaviour - only your own.

Getting custody of your kids is going to be hard (and expensive) unless you have strong proof of her neglect.

You say she sponsored you into Canada. How long before you get citizenship? What country are you originally from and is she originally from that country too? What about the OM?

posts: 72   ·   registered: Sep. 11th, 2020   ·   location: UK
id 8667667
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 Justinnn (original poster New Member #74279) posted at 12:31 AM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

Hi. Im sorry if i reply late. So this is it. We came to the point that she didn't go home and dont want to go home when im still here. She wants me out of the house well not house actually its an appartment. She wants me to leave and if i dont leave she'll call the police because she said that this apartment is under her name. So whats the best action to do here.

posts: 35   ·   registered: Apr. 22nd, 2020
id 8674638
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 Justinnn (original poster New Member #74279) posted at 12:34 AM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

Talisman yes she sponsored me here. I think i need 2 more years for citezenship. I'm from philippines and she's from philippines too. The om is from another country too bangladesh.

Well she is neglecting the kids and i have a proof for that.

posts: 35   ·   registered: Apr. 22nd, 2020
id 8674639
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 Justinnn (original poster New Member #74279) posted at 12:37 AM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

And she texted me right now that she'll gonna take the kids someday and shes not planning to inform me when the day comes. I dunno why does she texted me the info kinda stupid to me.

posts: 35   ·   registered: Apr. 22nd, 2020
id 8674640
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Rulk ( Member #43969) posted at 1:51 AM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

She is baiting you to do something then call the police on you. Have your VAR on you at all times.

posts: 255   ·   registered: Jul. 3rd, 2014
id 8674646
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beb252 ( Member #78948) posted at 2:03 AM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

Hi Justinn,

You might want to try consulting an immigration lawyer for you case. I believe you stated that your WW sponsored your visa. I think you might want to work that out with a lawyer.

posts: 376   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8674651
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ShutterHappy ( Member #64318) posted at 2:30 AM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

If you’re married, she can’t kick you out of the apartment. She can’t take the kids away from you either, that would be considered kidnapping. If she takes the children away, call the police.

In Canada, you will have as much rights as a Canadian citizen.

She can’t kick you out of the country.

What you need to do is talk to a lawyer for your protection and your children protection. It is your responsibility to protect your children.

Buy a VAR and have it on you when your WW is around. She seems the type who will falsely claim domestic abuse.

Save all messages in a separate email account ( a backup).

Talk to a lawyer.

Me: BH
Divorced, remarried.
I plan on living forever. So far so good

posts: 1435   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2018   ·   location: In my house
id 8674657
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The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 3:08 AM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

You need a lawyer like yesterday.

You need an emergency custody hearing so she cannot take the kids anywhere or it will be considered kidnapping. Likewise you cannot take them anywhere either.

Get this done ASAP. You don’t want to have a court battle over this. It will be expensive. Sadly.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10532   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8674666
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steadychevy ( Member #42608) posted at 1:51 PM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

Justin, you need to listen. You have been told by many people in this and previous threads of yours to get a lawyer. You need to get unfrozen. You need to do more than say you're going to get a lawyer.

YOU NEED TO GET A LAWYER.

Actually, you probably need to get more than one. You should check out your situation with an immigration lawyer.

But you need to do more than just say you'll get a lawyer. You have to actually make an appointment and go see them and find out your rights and actions you need to take.

You can ask us all you want what will happen if ... can she take the kids.... can she have me deported... You will get our opinions but you need to actually SEE A LAWYER and find out your rights and what actions you need to take.

It's been months and you haven't seen a lawyer. DO IT.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4660   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8674745
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 Justinnn (original poster New Member #74279) posted at 2:10 PM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

I'll do that i'll get a lawyer. And i want to know about this the gov. Is helping us for the kids financialy but the thing is my wife is the one who is recieving that. And i don't have any idea if she's saving it or not. It's alright if shes spending it for the kids like buying thing that need for my kids. But she's not doing it. We both have jobs yes amd i think we have same salary. And im thinking about this all night. I can't even buy new shirts or anything that i need because my salary is not that high to be honest and i'm focusing on the things that my kids needs. But on the other hand my wife have like new shoes, shirts, pants everything every month. And im thinking how can she buy all this things with just her salary she going out every night even in her dayoff. I don't know.

posts: 35   ·   registered: Apr. 22nd, 2020
id 8674756
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 Justinnn (original poster New Member #74279) posted at 2:19 PM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

Steadychevy i want too but i'm not financialy stable right now i don't even have any big savings cause its like im the only one whos supporting the kids. I tried the fee 30 mins. But i didnt even get the answer i want. Even go to the lawyer i cant do that cause monday to friday im working 7 to 3:30 am and after work i need to go home cause i need to pick up my kids around 5. My travel time is 1 hour. Everyday thats my routine. Saturday and sunday its my dayoff. And im just home taking care of the kids.

posts: 35   ·   registered: Apr. 22nd, 2020
id 8674762
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KingofNothing ( Member #71775) posted at 2:26 PM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

Ellie not yet but yeah i might aswell try it. Do you guys think i have a chance to get my kids away from her?

I'll be brutally honest. If you were both citizens you'd stand a very good chance of it. Like, hell yeah. A neglectful mother who leaves her kids to go have sex with other men? Who doesn't bother coming home? Whose response is usually "go find something to eat?" about dinner? Just write it all down.

However, I'm not at all sure what your immigration status is doing to do to this process. She is full on abusing and threatening you from the last update you posted. Could she possibly use that as leverage to get your status revoked? I would have said that's probably a little too extreme before reading your last update. Now I'm not so sure.

Rex Nihilo, the King of Nothing
----------------------------------
“If you’re going through hell, keep going. Just please stop screaming, it’s not good for morale.”
— Winston Churchill

BS 3 DDays/Attempted R, it failed. In a better place

posts: 769   ·   registered: Oct. 7th, 2019   ·   location: East Coast USA
id 8674766
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squid ( Member #57624) posted at 2:26 PM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

CONTACT A LAWYER TODAY.

I've heard divorce laws in Canada heavily favor the mother, unfortunately. But if you can prove that she is unfit to be a mother and that you are the more stable parent, maybe they will side with you with regard to primary custody and government aid. This is why everyone is stressing that you document all of her behavior - even her reckless spending habits.

Stay in the apartment. DO NOT leave.

Again, CONTACT AN ATTORNEY TODAY. Find a number on your lunch break and call it. Just get the ball rolling.

Her behavior will continue to escalate the longer she sees that you are a doormat. Stand up for yourself and your children!!

You can do this!

BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18

This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.

posts: 2582   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2017   ·   location: Central Florida
id 8674767
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 Justinnn (original poster New Member #74279) posted at 4:09 PM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

I know this is a stupd question to ask but what kind of lawyer do i need to get? Im sorry i just don't know this kind of stuff.

posts: 35   ·   registered: Apr. 22nd, 2020
id 8674788
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steadychevy ( Member #42608) posted at 5:06 PM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

I think there is probably a Legal Aid Society where you live. Most cities have them. I don't know if they can help you with your situation but, if they can't, they might be able to give you a list of referrals.

I think you probably need someone practicing Family Law for details on divorce, marital property, etc. I would also think there might be something about what she's contributing to the marriage vs what's she's freely spending on herself and what she's doing with child benefits.

You probably need an immigration lawyer regarding your status. It seems to me that you are on pretty solid ground but sometimes there seems to be a lack of common sense in the legal system (IMO). There is probably a society that assists immigrants in your city. See if you can find out and what services they provide.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4660   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8674813
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 Justinnn (original poster New Member #74279) posted at 10:22 PM on Friday, July 23rd, 2021

Steadychevy i followed your instruction and i got approved at legal aid. I just need to find a good lawyer.

But the thing is why do i feel bad about this. Maybe im just stupid. But im still thinking about what will happen to here when this goes on. Am i doing the right thing. Im always thinking about what she said. She's the one who get me here and work hard about it.and that's the payment you will give to me? This word is always trying to get me.

posts: 35   ·   registered: Apr. 22nd, 2020
id 8678029
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nekonamida ( Member #42956) posted at 4:42 PM on Saturday, July 24th, 2021

You married her, loved her, supported her, are the good father to her kids and this is how she repays YOU? And now she expects you to sit around and wait for her while she dates the OM? Does she not care about how she is hurting her sons? See - it goes both ways. Don't feel guilty for standing up for yourself and protecting your family from her. She may make a better effort as a mother if she has a set parenting schedule and your son won't have to worry about where she is if he knows what day he will see her again.

posts: 4964   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 8678170
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tushnurse ( Member #21101) posted at 8:18 PM on Friday, July 30th, 2021

You need to stop thinking of her as the person you fell in love with. That person was not, and is NOT real.

You need to find your anger, and your and your strength. This is so unhealthy for you and your babies. If you were a woman in this situation this thread would 10 pages long of people telling you to take the kids and all the important paperwork on them and get to a shelter to get away from the abuse.

But you aren't, and frankly you are acting too weak right now.

Am i doing the right thing

.
Simply YES. Anything you do to protect your kids and yourself is the right thing.

She is abusing and manipulating you. Stop tolerating it.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 21 &23
Married for 28 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 18936   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8679945
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