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The terms of divorce - Despair

QuitOrNotToQuit posted 6/12/2021 04:31 AM

O.K. I haven't posted some time but I met with the lawyer again so I got now a clear picture of what stands ahead in the future. Here, are some hesitations and optional solutions.

My Situation

Well, I'm not from the US, so for everyone to understand, I will convert the local currency here to US dollars. You can see and understand the percents and ratio .

So, in US dollars my salary stands at 3000$. This is here a good salary. Roughly twice more than the minimun and above the median salary

As you will see it will still not be enough to survive the divorce and I'll have to work more once the financial exploitation machine will take its cource. I'll have probably to take a second job. I am talking about taking a part time job (50%).

Because of the arrangements with the kids, it will mean that I'll need to work three times a week double shifts (15-16 hours a day) or work weekends (when kids are not with me). I prefer the first option but I might be wrong here.

Well, it basically degrades me to an animal or cash machine but I'll guess that's gonna be my life in the next years so I have to suck it up and finance her debauchery.

Financial obligations after divorce

It's perplexed here because it is not calculated as a fix sum of money by percentage of my salary.

First, there are fixed and variable parameters and then there's the question of the housing.

Child support has some fixed and some variable elements. And there is the payment for her housing which ranges from 30% to 50%. In my case it will be 50%. Additionally, there is a possibility to calculate the housing as a part of the child support or seperately.

So in terms of money it looks like this:

1. In my case housing will stand at 600$

2. The fixed child support will stand at
1200$ (for all children)

3. The variable child support may include special or unplanned medical treatment but also special or unplanned expences, vacations, trips and even something that resembles pocket money.

4. I have to take the kids from her, bring them back to her (that translates to money too) and provide everything they need when "returning home" which is probably by mom. Dad I suppose is a tool.

3 and 4 are problematic because it's about her word. It's about "trust" and you know whom the court trust and believe. Not the man. So, it's hard to predict but let say 300$ on average is reasonable.

It means I'll have to hand her 2100$ from a salary of 3000% which leaves me 900$. This means 70% of my salary (probably more) or roughly two thirds will be handed to her. Fucking great how the system is set to destroy me for the sake of saving a cheating wife. Eat the cake, have it all, buy it but let the husband pay for everything

Hesitations and optional solutions

As I said from my current salary I'll be left 900$. It is O.K. if I wouldn't have to finance additional housing for myself to her's. With this amount of money I can only finance a wooden shelter in a scrap yard.

In theory, it would maybe possible to sell our house but it can turn to a greater disaster. She can practically, then, chose any house she wants, even a more expensive one under the pretense of the best interest of the child and because I don't pay a fixed sum for housing but a percentage of the payment it could turn to be more. God knows how to see the destruction of the father is in the best interest of the child. Probably becasuse he's not seen as equal parent but is stripped to being merely a cash machine and resource provider.

So, there are a few solutions that I thougt about.

1. To rent an appartment with other guys. Despite the humiliation of living like a 20 something years old student at my age, it's impossible because of the kids.

2. Alternative housing. This is a good solution. I saw old minivans, vans or even trucks turned into residential units. They look afterwards like luxury appartment. And are relatively cheap. Right now because of the kids it's irrelevant. Later, it's possible as I want nothing to do with our society. Or at least reduce my involvement with it to a minimun that's needed for survival.

3 Going back to live at my parent's place. This is a bigger humiliation than the previous one but for the next few years I think or can't come up with any better solution (if I want to see my kids).

Final toughts

I can't believe that at this point in my life everything I've built has gone up in smoke or lies in ruines and ashes and not by my fault and wrong doings. It will take years (after the kids are 18) if at all to come back and to rebuild my life.

I can't believe that she cheated and I'm going through this. But there is no return. I prefer my dignity even if that means to lose everything. It is said that to win everything, we need to be ready to lose everything. My dignity is everything and I'm ready to lose the life I knew to win it back

Right now I am not in a good place. I feel defeated, hopeless and helpless, robbed not only off finances but also the joy of life. It's really depressing. The only thing that makes me going are my kids. It's the only thing.

I, actually, wanted to find a psychologist but that's impossible too. I can't live at my parent's without contributing anything. From the money left, I'll put aside a certain amount for the kids and the rest I'll give my parents. There will be nothing left for me.

So, maybe social networks for support? There's nothing like this here. Everything is for women. Help from the state? They're to busy to create laws against men. Again, only women focused help is available here from them. NGOs? The same. They are immersed in helping only women.

I said that I want to take a part time job and I will. The problem is when circumstances are changed she can ask for more child support. So, the margins, ratio and pecentage won't be drastically changed. If she does this, I'll be again left scraps. Despair

[This message edited by QuitOrNotToQuit at 9:31 AM, June 12th (Saturday)]

WhoTheBleep posted 6/12/2021 05:28 AM

Is this what the lawyer told you? I would get a second and a third opinion. What you describe sounds unacceptable. Your kids are going to need a decent place to live when they are with you.

QuitOrNotToQuit posted 6/12/2021 06:33 AM

Yes, that's what she told me. I mean she did not tell me the three options that I have mentioned, it's not her responsibility, it's my thoughts on the sitation, but other stuff, what I have or do not have to pay, yes.

I do not want to develop to much expectations and it seems true from what I've researched but I think your advice with the second opinion is spot on albeit outcomes wouldn't be drastically different. I just need every single Dollar.

[This message edited by QuitOrNotToQuit at 6:35 AM, June 12th (Saturday)]

DigitalSpyder posted 6/12/2021 07:19 AM

I don't know, that sounds massively excessive. I think I'd visit with a few more Attorneys.

secondtime posted 6/12/2021 08:38 AM

Yeah. I get it. Between alimony and child support, I'd lose at least 35% of my net income.

Then half of everything else.

And I already work two jobs.

The one saving grace is that legal separation is an option in my state.

Renting my husband a studio to go to at night and giving him full access to the house and the kids during the day is actually far cheaper.

Plus, then he stays on my health insurance, which is again cheaper than being forced to cover part of his insurance premium on the exchange.

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