Newest Member: Loyalandbetrayed

Just Found Out :
I'm almost there.

Topic is Sleeping.
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 HatsOff (original poster New Member #75906) posted at 10:21 PM on Thursday, June 3rd, 2021

It's been a while. I've tried to pretend we were heading in the right direction and all we needed was time to rebuild trust. Now that trust has been broken again.

I recently discovered a new cache of nude photos in my WS's email and photo library. I initial got suspicious when I caught a quick glance a a chat that included a nude photo.

He was covering his tracks well but I eventually found part of the conversation. It was a scammer who was just out for cash but used real photos of someone else. WS explained he had the photos to prove they were a scammer but why almost 50 photos in different situations and poses? And why were they in multiple locations.

I also found that he had bought a digital gift card through PayPal. That could be suspicious but the kicker for me was when I found he had taken a photo of his computer screen proving he had bought gift card.

This transactions often go this way. Show me a photo. Send me money. No photo first. Proof of money first. So the gift card gets purchased and a photo showing it was purchased is shown then a taste is given until the cash arrives then hopefully the other person delivers all they promise.

He will probably claim he did that to keep them on the line hoping he would actually send it.

I hope no one thinks I'm being prudish about porn. I've never really approved of it but didn't stop my WS before but porn was the first step that led to the slippery slope that got us here and we have an agreement that he will not view it anymore.

I couldn't sleep last night and was thinking how I could check and verify there wasn't anything else and all the things I needed to do the next day to gather information on WS's activities again. I had slacked off on doing that daily and was focusing on normal activities more. But suddenly as I thought about all this I thought, I'm tired of living like this.

My options are to let him do as he pleases until he has enough rope to hang himself, continue to be the jail warden and check all the time or leave.

It is definitely time to take some steps.

I'm opening a new checking account tomorrow and having my paycheck deposited there. I will still pay bills but won't share my account info.

We are actually getting ready to sell out house. I'm packing during the day. Trying to get as much stuff out of the house before showings. I'm going to focus on packing the things I would take with me.

I'm also doing the 180. I have ignored all WS flirty texts today. He normal sends a few and I reply in kind. I would move out of our room if I had another room to go to but I will just have to keep my distance from him. I need to cook my own meals too. He has been cooking lately. I do all the other stuff except his laundry. I'll continue in that way since we are selling the house. I'm not going to join him when he asks me to go the store with him or go out to eat. Time to live as if I'm single (though no dating of course.)

[This message edited by HatsOff at 4:22 PM, June 3rd (Thursday)]

Me:51 WS:50
Married 28 years
9 kids from 32-17
D-day #1 1996 PA
D-day #2 2005 PA-Exit
D-day #2.5 2015 Potential PA
D-day #3 Nov.23,2020 Online/escort

posts: 48   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2020
id 8664824
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nekonamida ( Member #42956) posted at 1:21 AM on Friday, June 4th, 2021

I think this is a really good first step for you. It will help you detach. What is your end goal or what do you hope to get out of this situation? Is MC still in the cards for you?

posts: 4957   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 8664863
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 HatsOff (original poster New Member #75906) posted at 1:33 AM on Friday, June 4th, 2021

I keep asking about MC and he always has a reason why right now it not the right time. This time it is we are selling our house and moving. He doesn't want to start MC and just have to change to someone else and start over.

I am slowing detaching. I don't want to divorce but it seems it is in the cards. I'm just delaying the inevitable. He is not going to change. He has proven that.

I can't give him a list of do's and don'ts. If he can't figure out how to stay truly faithful to his marriage vows, there is nothing I can do to help him.

Me:51 WS:50
Married 28 years
9 kids from 32-17
D-day #1 1996 PA
D-day #2 2005 PA-Exit
D-day #2.5 2015 Potential PA
D-day #3 Nov.23,2020 Online/escort

posts: 48   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2020
id 8664867
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nekonamida ( Member #42956) posted at 1:47 AM on Friday, June 4th, 2021

I completely agree. He is doing you one favor. MC would be a waste of time and money if he is still looking at porn and refuses to come clean about this sketchy behavior.

posts: 4957   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 8664869
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 HatsOff (original poster New Member #75906) posted at 4:31 PM on Friday, June 4th, 2021

He is starting to notice the change in my attitude. I'm very carefully not being mean or angry just matter-of-fact. I interact only when necessary and don't engage when he tries to draw me into a discussion.

This morning he tried being sweet and apologetic. I didn't accept or reject. I just let him say his piece and went on with my morning.

Then he tried calling me from work. I just told him I was busy (after the fourth call so far) and he hung up pretty quickly when he realized I wasn't going to engage. He seemed angry.

Time to focus on me now.

[This message edited by HatsOff at 10:46 AM, June 4th (Friday)]

Me:51 WS:50
Married 28 years
9 kids from 32-17
D-day #1 1996 PA
D-day #2 2005 PA-Exit
D-day #2.5 2015 Potential PA
D-day #3 Nov.23,2020 Online/escort

posts: 48   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2020
id 8665047
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HalfTime2017 ( Member #64366) posted at 6:12 PM on Friday, June 4th, 2021

Hatsoff-

You've given this husband of yours enough time and grace to pull his ass out of his head. You've given him ample opportunities and every time he pisses it away.

I mean, since you first caught him, you've waste really over 20 yrs of your life to someone who is not worthy of your love, or of YOU.

Being his warden is no way to live. You're making the right choice here. Forget MC. Its not MC that is needed, your H is just a broken person who is probably a sex addict. Can you live with that some more? Thats up to you. That's not really a way to live.

posts: 1142   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8665119
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 HatsOff (original poster New Member #75906) posted at 6:43 PM on Friday, June 4th, 2021

Now he says I'm scaring him and "Okay, you're mad."

I just want to say, "I'm done hoping". But I didn't say anything.

Me:51 WS:50
Married 28 years
9 kids from 32-17
D-day #1 1996 PA
D-day #2 2005 PA-Exit
D-day #2.5 2015 Potential PA
D-day #3 Nov.23,2020 Online/escort

posts: 48   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2020
id 8665127
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 HatsOff (original poster New Member #75906) posted at 6:53 PM on Friday, June 4th, 2021

Oh my heck!

He just posted a quote from one of our church leaders.

"Charity is having patience with someone who has let us down. It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting weakness and shortcomings. It is accepting people as they truly are."

One, hypocritical. And he doesn't really follow our religion anyway.

Two, it say "offended easily". I've put up with plenty.

Three, not being offended it not the same as accepting bad behavior.

The gall!!!

Okay, I'm engaging too much. Time to stop even looking at his posts.

[This message edited by HatsOff at 1:05 PM, June 4th (Friday)]

Me:51 WS:50
Married 28 years
9 kids from 32-17
D-day #1 1996 PA
D-day #2 2005 PA-Exit
D-day #2.5 2015 Potential PA
D-day #3 Nov.23,2020 Online/escort

posts: 48   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2020
id 8665134
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BlueRaspberry ( Member #76065) posted at 7:00 PM on Friday, June 4th, 2021

HatsOff,

You shouldn't even engage but it would be funny to respond with "Thou shalt not commit adultery".

posts: 216   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2020
id 8665138
laughing

 HatsOff (original poster New Member #75906) posted at 7:07 PM on Friday, June 4th, 2021

BlueRaspberry,

That is hilarious!

Me:51 WS:50
Married 28 years
9 kids from 32-17
D-day #1 1996 PA
D-day #2 2005 PA-Exit
D-day #2.5 2015 Potential PA
D-day #3 Nov.23,2020 Online/escort

posts: 48   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2020
id 8665141
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CoderMom ( Member #66033) posted at 2:37 AM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

All sounds very unsettling... Cheating is cheating and never does that bode well for the relationship if left unconfronted and stopped.

posts: 223   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2018
id 8671367
Topic is Sleeping.
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