Topic is Sleeping.
MyAndI (original poster member #75422) posted at 1:57 AM on Monday, May 31st, 2021
Recently I've received two calls from our old college gang, the group has stayed pretty tight for all these years and many of us live near each other.
Both called to find out about what happened with Andi and one has asked me out for dinner, just to catch up. As much as I wanted to hang out I think it would hurt Andi. I know Andi and I are not together anymore but I know this would probably hurt her and there's no way it would remain private. So I gave the nice women a rain check.
I'm NC with OW and it's in no way a strain on me.
I am lonely for the company of the fairer sex, just being honest. I'd be happy just to go to a matinee and lunch.
I'm not comfortable posting in the D section so I hope it's OK to post here.
I failed at R
Survived Infidelity as a BH, WW had a six-month EA/PA, then I had an affair of my own many years later that lasted three-years, never thought I'd ever cheat.
MickeyBill2016 ( member #56459) posted at 2:16 AM on Monday, May 31st, 2021
[This message edited by MickeyBill2016 at 8:16 PM, May 30th (Sunday)]
9 years married.
13 years divorced.
foreverlabeled ( member #52070) posted at 3:15 PM on Monday, May 31st, 2021
I can understand the loneliness post separation and post D. I would even say it was traumatic for me. It definitely brought my go to comforts and coping mechanism that aren't so healthy to the surface, practically begging me to partake just to sooth and get that instant gratification.
I was depressed and the temptation was strong. I wasn't perfect and there were things I definitely could have done better. But, this overhaul on myself has been something I've taken very seriously since my dday. The best way to rewire ourselves is to practice what we want for ourselves. To make it a habit and our new go to. This was a chance to do some real ingraining work.
Its hard man. This shit is so so hard. I fully understand when one is down and out that the last thing you want to do is challenge yourself even more. I think the steps you've taken are in the right direction, keep going. Dig deeper and deal with this need to find your comfort in women.
What if you took yourself to a matinee and lunch? Find comfort within yourself. You come off as highly codependent. You can fix this, and from experience doing most of my work in this area you can become a completely different person. I found that once I addressed this it made my work from then on incredibly easier. In the process early on just having acknowledged it and owned it I was able to understand my motives, thoughts, and behaviors. I was able to talk my way through the uncomfortable feelings I experienced by denying that part of me and then overcoming it. That goes back to rewiring and practice.
Something that was a red flag reading your post is that you turned down these women for Andi. That's not sustainable.
Topic is Sleeping.
