lifestoshort posted 6/12/2021 18:37 PM

He has never married or had any kids (the last gf said no way too) so Im thinking its because he has defective sperm but of course, I wanted that family with him after so many yrs together. I think he wants a child but he truly doesnt. He likes his lazy life style and even tho he works non stop or is sleeping until 1pm, he has no money to raise a child or even buy a house (or car.)
Im sure he has the "I dont have it so I want it" mentality- my ex H pulled too. then once he had the kids, he bailed. I also had just told him months ago, you keep messing up then no one will want you and Im sitting here telling you what to do so you can be great for the next person? I said, you will never be able to have kids now. You are too old and it will take another couple years before you are with someone to decide that. WRONGO, he tried to do it within 2 months of being w her. but again, she was on the pill. (recent pics of her are at music festival and they are all high or drunk) She is toxic for him and I know Im the only stable sane person he has ever been with. I have my shit together and well respected in work. hes never been anyone except in highschool. probably another reason he tries to act or look younger. and trust me if I could post a pic here you would say he looks like he is 50 easily. he went downhill fast in the past 3 yrs. (excessive working, not eating well, pot, staying up till 3am, shame)

I know there is no R to go to. a few days after DD, I still considered it. But Im reliving alot and going thru things that we did and didnt do and know hes really such a fat lazy fuck. whether he is fully using or not, I know I brought up that he white lied in counseling many times over the past few years and he didnt follow thru. Im thinking my soul and heart are still processing, where my mind is wanting to smash him and her in the face.

yeah I think its likely part of the process yet. even 6 weeks later, I just want them to end and Im hurting over the fact that they are not and this wench is in my city and so involved in his life. My kids are hurting too.

but in all seriousness, I want this part to go faster. Im still waking daily thinking about him. I think the more days that go by the angrier I get! maybe its because this is the 2nd person to do this to me. That his family just said they loved me and to come over more often and now they are enabling someone who is using again and will likely die from this. I know him and when he is in trouble by my instinct telling me and I know he is NOT doing well. he has given me so many hints when they were together so he could end it. but the B wont leave. and its not my job to save or fix him. hes an adult who has to do it himself... but he wont. He will die from the heavier the drugs he gets into, first :(

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 8:05 PM, June 18th (Friday)]

lifestoshort posted 6/16/2021 12:35 PM

my counselor says it will last forever cause its PTSD :(

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 11:22 AM, June 19th (Saturday)]

lifestoshort posted 7/19/2021 21:45 PM

Im recognizing what triggers are associated with him now and try to avoid. its not easy. staying out of town was the best for me. I came home last week and only 4 days later Im on another flight with my family. This is helping. Getting away. less books on the subject and reading less too. Im just so over him now that I have purged alot of the mind bs.

One of my major triggers was sex and chatting with him only on his terms. I met someone who matches me much better and showing me that after 7 yrs, I dont have to get crumbs. In fact I deserve WAY more then that!!