Topic is Sleeping.
The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 12:49 PM on Tuesday, April 6th, 2021
Dogcopter that’s a terrible place to be. But you have and end goal and you are getting out. So you have a good path that you are on.
Limbo is like living in hell. I’ve always said that.
You can do it if you know it’s temporary. But not having an exit strategy or end date is the worst. Because you are internally dying a slow death.
Things that worked for me during the very difficult three year R period:
Treating myself well. Getting my hair cut or a pedicure or just sitting outside alone with a book was helpful. Meeting up with good friends (without my H) was very important - even if for an hour — it helped to have a change of scenery.
I’m a rather snarky person in my mind. So when my H would say something I would think of all the smart sassy remarks I would love to say in my head. My H worked for a big company years ago and was cheated out of commissions. A huge amount of $. We were talking about it and in my head I was thinking — so you DO know how it feels to be lied and cheated on yet you did it anyway. To me. Huh!
Once we were playing scrabble and I made the word “cheater”. Because I could. He said nothing.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.
EyesOpened50 ( Member #54610) posted at 5:57 PM on Tuesday, April 6th, 2021
Being in Limbo is certainly not a life I'll lead again once I'm free! Being authentic and honest with both myself and others will be key, the phoenix will rise from the ashes and be better, stronger and way more informed on life - I've used this time to heal myself!!
Like everything in life, things are not black and white and self reflection plus research becomes important! Making informed decisions is key - so if you're making an exit plan make sure you get the relevant advice and follow it through! I left end of 2017 for a couple of months, got some legal advice and realised I was wide open and had to re-evaluate the situation, plus my kids were all still at home plus I hadn't detached mentally - thus I made a plan!! I was fully open for reconciliation but knew it would more than likely be false (I'd found SI by this point), as there had been some many issues over the years (that I was aware of!!), never mind the new ones I had found along the way! Having used VAR's fully for a period, I learned the truth about what was actually going on, I subsequently just used them for 'special events' with known issue makers - not nice to hear but if you want to make informed decisions when being gaslighted, it certainly helps!!
Covid certainly wasn't in there but I streamlined things but have one outstanding and in light of what happened in 2017, I know what is coming!!
Newlifeisgreat ( Member #71308) posted at 10:37 PM on Tuesday, April 6th, 2021
My cheater didn’t know I knew, and it was incredibly difficult to keep myself under control as I lined all my ducks up. Actually I think lining up all of the ducks help kept me sane as there was a good number of things to do. I also stayed late at work, and started taking advantage of the gym membership I had been paying for; but not using.
But I think the best thing I ever did was to buy a heavy punching bag and hanging it up in the basement. Whenever the stress level got too bad, I would go down and take all my frustration out on that bag.
I also came here a lot and vented out all my frustration and rage. It felt so good just to get everything off my chest, and then review/analyzed everything I wrote. While the feedback I got was mostly helpful, it was more of me just getting whatever was ticking me off at the time, off my chest!
Betrayed SpouseShe cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being AdulteryDivorced 9/18Now VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets
Topic is Sleeping.