Newest Member: Loyalandbetrayed

Just Found Out :
This time seems worse

Topic is Sleeping.
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jb3199 ( Member #27673) posted at 5:46 PM on Monday, June 21st, 2021

Skyla,

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married 28yrs.(together over 30yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day(s): Enough
Accepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14

posts: 3818   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2010   ·   location: northeast
id 8668718
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Thumos ( Member #69668) posted at 5:50 PM on Monday, June 21st, 2021

Just a quick update cause things have been quiet for a couple weeks. I gave her space to see how she would react or what she would do and she hasn't said one word about her affair. I was hoping she would at least ask me how I was doing with it or something. Then today while I'm at work now she texts me and says she is going swimming with her friend and friends BF at a guy friends house. This is also the same GF that covered up her affair for 2 months. I wold her how I didn't like it at all and there was no trust between us and there are always guys at this persons house. She said no, it's just gonna be us 3, her, friend and friends BF and she wants to get out of the house and go swimming so she's going. Doesn't seem to care how I feel about it and thinks I'm over reacting. Now I have to go through all day at work with this anxiety.

Hopium is a powerful drug.

Hopium with a serial cheater is a dangerous narcotic.

"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."

BH (me): 50, WW: 49
Married: Feb. 1996
DDAY: Dec. 20

posts: 4217   ·   registered: Feb. 5th, 2019   ·   location: UNITED STATES
id 8668719
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KnowItAll ( New Member #78982) posted at 6:02 PM on Monday, June 21st, 2021

I mean, a guy should know when to drop the towel.She is not even following and considering your requests.Isn't it the time,you give up on this??

[This message edited by KnowItAll at 12:03 PM, June 21st (Monday)]

posts: 5   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2021
id 8668723
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 skyla316 (original poster New Member #78576) posted at 4:51 PM on Friday, July 2nd, 2021

So first of all cause I know some of you have been asking, the only polygraph guy around said the $750 is an old price and updated his site to the current price of $1000. That is by far the most expensive I've seen but I just can't do it. my daughter is starting college in Aug and I just paid tuition and I'm getting her a car so the poly is still coming but I have to wait a bit longer than I want.

My WW still won't bring anything up unless I do first. She said she is here with me until I decide it's completely over, that she isn't leaving me. She isn't really crying anymore when we do talk, just gets quiet and says she is sorry. I tried to get something from the VAR's but nothing other than she hates herself and wishes it never happened. No mention of actually having sex which she still denies completely. Then on Sunday her brother who didn't know cause he live a few hours away posted on his Facebook that he was sick. Now I comment and talk to her brother a lot, after 20 years we'v become close, and suddenly the AP posted a comment on his page out of nowhere! I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was just a stupid comment about being sick but that doesn't matter. The guys see's our posts on the page and knows it's my WW brother. Also after DDay when I called the AP, one of the last things I said to him was that he had to disappear from our lives. I told him I didn't want to ever see him posting on friends pages or texting her or showing up anywhere or there would be trouble. He agreed and I haven't heard or seen a thing from him since until now.

I checked his facebook page and it gets weird. He hasn't posted anything in months and only comments on a girls page not very often. So he isn't very active at all. Now my WW brother and the AP do kind of know each other but not well and when her brother commented back to him I lost it. I messaged her brother and told him what happened with the affair and how angry I am that this guy is suddenly on his page and he was talkng to him. Her brother had no idea and said, get this, in 20 years this was the first post the AP ever put on his page! Her brother said he would beat him up if I wanted. I said no but I didn't like him talking to him. He then blocked him but not before I posted a reply to the AP to stay away from our family that he did enough damage and he will be seeing me if it keeps up.

I asked my WW why he would suddenly show up on her familys page for the 1st time ever and she said she doesn't know. She said it seemd unusual for him to do something like that but he was def doing it on purpose to get either her or my attention she thinks. She seemed very scared when it happened and I was furious. I was shaking. She swears she has no idea why he would show up again and he never responded back to me. Now I'm wondering if maybe she was in some sort of contact with him again at some point or maybe he is just taunting. This has really set us back, almost to DDAY if feels like for me though. Is that normal to feel that way

posts: 20   ·   registered: Mar. 28th, 2021
id 8671946
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Tempocontour ( Member #65971) posted at 4:32 PM on Saturday, July 3rd, 2021

She cheated on you 4 TIMES! And yet you're giving her another chance? A line had been drawn and has been crossed and the line moved back to be crossed again. She will cheat on you again and again. Sorry to be blunt but when are you going to get the hint?

[This message edited by Tempocontour at 11:58 AM, July 3rd (Saturday)]

posts: 76   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2018   ·   location: Northeast
id 8672181
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jb3199 ( Member #27673) posted at 4:40 PM on Saturday, July 3rd, 2021

This has really set us back, almost to DDAY if feels like for me though. Is that normal to feel that way

Unfortunately, it does not take much to makes us trigger....especially after any recent infidelities. Names, places....you know the deal. But I've got to say, that's a pretty ballsy move by the AP.

BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married 28yrs.(together over 30yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day(s): Enough
Accepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14

posts: 3818   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2010   ·   location: northeast
id 8672184
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Freeme ( Member #31946) posted at 6:24 PM on Saturday, July 3rd, 2021

Here's the thing. You don't have to have a poly. Please don't have one if you aren't going to believe the results or aren't going to do anything about them. That's alot of money.

You're WW should be the one earning the money to pay for it if she wants you to trust her.

The truth is that you don't need to poly. She has already cheated on you several times. The circumstances surrounding this last time are huge. Yes she probably had sex but even if they didn't...this is an ongoing problem that keep happening.

She does something inappropreate, you catch her, she lies and says nothing happened, you go over all of the boundries she crossed. She continues to lie, you rug sweep it.

You both know the drill. She's done enough at this point for you to say - forget it. If she wants to prove that she's telling the truth have her get a job and earn the money to prove it to you.

posts: 2801   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2011   ·   location: Washington DC
id 8672211
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Wanttobebetter ( Member #72484) posted at 6:52 PM on Saturday, July 3rd, 2021

Skylar,

There must be a reason why you tolerated her four previous cheatings. Have you asked yourself this question? Why? Why you put up with that? We often say the WS must know their whys to fix themselves. To me, the same is true for the BS to figure out why they want to stay or divorce.

There is always a life event that will impede what you want to do, in this case getting a ploy. It could be an unexpected medical bill, a car accident, kids needing a new laptop and etc. You must not allow these life events to rationalize not taking the next steps though, whatever that being getting a poly, deciding to R or deciding to D.

IMHO, you are focusing on the not so significant aspect of the situation, AP posting on social media, is a symptom of your indecision or perhaps fear of making a wrong decision. In infidelity, there isn't a perfect decision. There is only a shitty decision or less shitty decision but either is better than no decision at all.

My apologies if I come across as harsh but I hope you find the inner strength and make a decision.

Best of luck.

posts: 135   ·   registered: Jan. 6th, 2020
id 8672213
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SnowToArmPits ( Member #50943) posted at 6:58 PM on Saturday, July 3rd, 2021

Now I have to go through all day at work with this anxiety.

Well of course you do... you're living with a serial cheater.

Sorry man, but this is who she is.

Try cheating on her for a change, maybe that will snap her out of it.

posts: 343   ·   registered: Dec. 25th, 2015   ·   location: Canada
id 8672214
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Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 9:19 PM on Saturday, July 3rd, 2021

I called the AP, one of the last things I said to him was that he had to disappear from our lives. I told him I didn't want to ever see him posting on friends pages or texting her or showing up anywhere or there would be trouble. He agreed and I haven't heard or seen a thing from him since until now.

Well your attempt at cock blocking failed. Pretty common from what I’ve seen. Your wife brought him into your life. Good luck getting him out of it.

He’s telling you he isn’t afraid of you.

Let her go.

[This message edited by Marz at 3:28 PM, July 3rd (Saturday)]

posts: 6611   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8672237
Topic is Sleeping.
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