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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 1:58 PM on Monday, March 29th, 2021
Very positive outcome to your trigger and harsh words.
He appears to understand. Huge step!!!
Glad things are positive for you.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
ggcamp1975 (original poster new member #78491) posted at 2:27 PM on Monday, March 29th, 2021
This is an excellent quick-witted reply to his minimization.
Honestly I impressed myself with that one, I was like damn where was that the other hundreds of times he said she didn't matter. Either way I am pleased with how this went, because truth is not even 30 days ago this would have been a full blown let me see how much I can hurt WH argument and I am working really hard to stop that. He has been so good and letting me go off but it's not fair to him for me to keep poking him, like sometimes I would say stuff just knowing it cut him like a knife. I realize this did not help anyone which is why I am making the effort to stop, hope that makes sense :)
BS - 45 WS - 47 married in 1996 met in 1992
ggcamp1975 (original poster new member #78491) posted at 2:37 PM on Tuesday, April 20th, 2021
A little update on me, for those that don’t know my WH was caught Oct 2020 sexting with another woman, one he met online. Anyway, I had about 8 questions that I have wanted answers to since then but could never just ask them, I don’t know why but I wanted the answers but I was scared of the answer? Anyway, I have been trying this new thing that when something just gets stuck in my mind I am writing it out on Notes (Iphone) and I then transfer it to WH phone for him to read when he feels like it, no pressure and honestly some of them I’d rather him read alone because I have gotten quite raw in some of them. Saturday I put a note on his phone with those 8 questions, I never said a word (that’s how I have been doing it) and apparently he read it last night. This morning I woke up to 2 pages of answers to those questions, followed by a text “Anything you want to know, ask me please don’t ever feel like you can’t. I am here for you and for us. I love you and have a great day” I will say the answers that my mind made up were way worse than the actual answers. The funny thing is most of them I knew the answers to but I guess I needed him to answer them. I know for some this is not a big deal but for me this is huge, I know I have been holding us back a little in recovery by not just coming out and asking or saying what I want. The irony in all of this, if you asked anyone that knows me they will tell you I am the most direct person they have ever met but when it comes to WH something happens to me and I have/had a hard time getting things out. So today I shall celebrate my minor breakthrough/victory! One step at a time, I can do this!
BS - 45 WS - 47 married in 1996 met in 1992
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