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Bad sequel

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HalfTime2017 posted 4/12/2021 20:34 PM

3rd TIME, I hope that you can move on from this lady. You need to stop doing the day to day crap with her. Just because you are still in the same house, doesnt mean you have to be doing the same things.

Moving on emotionally means separating from her on all levels. When you start acting like normal, you're setting yourself to fall back into your old routines and ways. You do not want to be back a 4th time. Don't fall for it again.

Start separating now. Find some hobbies. Do things on your own with the kids. You need to start looking at this like you're going to be single again soon, and you need a self image to build upon. Take time for yourself when she is with the kids, go to the gym, and find hobbies. Don't get lulled back into this relationship again dude.

SnowToArmPits posted 4/12/2021 20:37 PM

Hi OP. HalfTime2017 gives good advice, you have a life to live, so starting living it.

I'd push you one step further, coffee dates with another woman would probably do a world of good. Nothing serious for now, but just some fun and good company.

3rdTimeIsACharm posted 4/14/2021 05:13 AM

HT2017

Moving on emotionally means separating from her on all levels. When you start acting like normal, you're setting yourself to fall back into your old routines and ways. You do not want to be back a 4th time. Don't fall for it again.

I fully understand that this is the way to go but it's so hard to actually do it.
No family around, stress to find (at least on of us) an apartment in the school district, stress of realizing that my costs for (down graded) housing will almost triple and plus child support I won't have much left at the end of the month etc.
I think I can not really detach from WW before I am physically separated from my her.

I think me revisiting the letters is a way I set myself up, not to get sucked back in.
It sure hurts reading them and I believe this cements my desire to break away emotionally.
Not sure how it will work out though, because of kids we will need to maintain some sort of relationship.

Snow

I'd push you one step further, coffee dates with another woman would probably do a world of good. Nothing serious for now, but just some fun and good company.

Did this, got a date secured (nice ego boost) but once telling her about my current situation, she bailed. I am not blaming her, who wants to deal with such mess? I am also not sure I would want to deal with a woman, who is ok with such mess, either.
So dating is definitely pushed to the back burner for now.

[This message edited by 3rdTimeIsACharm at 5:18 AM, April 14th (Wednesday)]

guvensiz posted 4/15/2021 04:42 AM

Thank you to all who have responded here and who helped me to open my eyes and seeing through this abusive relationship.

Don't close your eyes. I felt the need to remind it.

3rdTimeIsACharm posted 4/15/2021 11:40 AM

guvensiz

Don't close your eyes. I felt the need to remind it.

Very much appreciated. I take any re-assurance I can get. My mind is set but my heart is sometimes in shaky territory.

Extracts from OM's letters (after D-Day, in "R", after 1st counseling, with counselor telling her every contact with AP must cease, her softly pushing for separation, counselor telling her that separation will make R almost impossible)

I really miss every part of you a lot like playing with your hair, fogging your glasses with smoothes, our kisses in so many styles, tapped that peach of yours, laughing together, our hugs in so many different ways, the way we hold hands, hear your heart beat, our special coffee mornings, our talks, the way our hearts and souls felt complete once together.

I really miss every part of you a lot like playing with your hair, fogging your glasses with smoothes, our kisses in so many styles, tapped that peach of yours, laughing together, our hugs in so many different ways, the way we hold hands, hear your heart beat, our special coffee mornings, our talks, the way our hearts and souls felt complete once together.

I'm sure that you know this by now darling but our bond is already strong enough that we are here for each other despite of everything that has happened and that we are protecting each other and it will be even stronger as long we stay together because we both want this to happen so we can make sure we can go this way together :-*

She wanted to test drive a relationship with OM, I was the fall back option, plan B.

I am 100% sure that I am done with this, I will have to suffer through this now.

asc1226 posted 4/15/2021 12:51 PM

I am 100% sure that I am done with this,

Treat this certainty as an article of faith. Grant it space among your core beliefs. Let questions and uncertainty about it be banished from your mind as easily as doubts about gravity. You’ve given her every chance that you had within you to change, you have none left. Be at peace with your decision.

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