My lesson is to not underestimate what an unrepentant wayward is capable of. Corralary is don't count on life being fair and some people can make justice at least temporarily blind by their charisma.
I found this to very much be the case in my situation, as well.
Our ex's sounds like they took pages out of the same cheaters handbook on how to heap on additional pain& trauma.
I ended up accepting a 30/70 split in his favor
(I was a SAHM/W throughout the 29 year marriage, & have a similar health issue as yours... he makes 6 figures).
I just couldn't afford to keep fighting. My D cost me about $25k (came out of my proceeds from or home sale)... who knows what he paid.
Stupid! We should've just done 50/50 & moved on. However, he refused to accept that I'd be getting alimony.
In the end, I still did
(& he still goes into contempt regularly by not paying it).
*Just saw you found volunteer mediators! GOOD LUCK! I hope you can use their services.
Keep trying for what you are entitled to.
Have you searched out legal aid/pro bono lawyers in your area? I'm sure you have, but being your own attorney sounds terrifying!
I started out pro-se & ended up finding a lawyer who pretty much sucked... but was better than not having one.
I worry about your stress levels. It's going to wreak havoc on your health, trust me!
Sending virtual hugs, if you want them!
[This message edited by WowItsReallyReal at 10:24 AM, May 3rd (Monday)]