This Topic is Archived
natwoodbron (original poster new member #69294) posted at 9:32 AM on Friday, February 26th, 2021
We've been separated for 2 and a half years now. I made my peace with the fact that we are over. He left our marriage long before I found out. We have been having amicable divorce discussions for 3 months now. And by amicable, I mean void of any emotion, simply the facts. That's the only way he'll discuss anything with me. Void of emotion. That's why I can't look at him straight in the eyes. I don't want to build up in my mind something that is not there. He looks like the man I promised to stay with until death. He looks like the man he was 15 years ago. His eyes are the same. But he's not the person I thought he was. I want to be ready to file for divorce on the 11th anniversary of our wedding. Glutton for punishment? Yes. I need it to hurt. I need it to hurt the most it can possible hurt so that I can get through it and know I can survive whatever comes after. The void. I wish I never had to see him again. But that's not possible. Our daughter turns 7 today. She'll forever unite our paths. For her, I'll let those small knifes stab at me every time he's around. Yes, I wear my armor. Yes, eventually those small knifes won't get through anymore. But those eyes pierce through my armor each time we inadvertently look at each other at this stage in our end. Those eyes are empty. I feel a stiffening cold each time I see into them. I wish I never had to see them again. I wish this was over now. But I must put on my armor again. He'll be there at small celebration I'm putting on for our daughter. I'll put on my armor and pretend to be void of emotion. I will not react to the stranger who walks in and out of our daughter's life and thus my own as well. That stranger is no one. That stranger is no one.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 12:24 PM on Friday, February 26th, 2021
I’m sorry.
What are you doing that is positive for you?
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Alyssamd24 ( member #39005) posted at 1:26 PM on Friday, February 26th, 2021
I know the pain and fear may be overwhelming right now but I assure you it does get easier with time.
You will adjust and you will learn the skills you need to survive and move on!
Sometimes the worst thing that happens to you.....the thing you think you can't survive....its the thing that makes you better than you used to be.
Sickwithgrief ( new member #75089) posted at 2:06 PM on Friday, February 26th, 2021
I'm sorry. I understand how hard it is to be in the same house. I keep telling myself that this pain has an end if I can hang on long enough. If I stay the pain will never end. Maybe that thought helps?
I hear how much it hurts. We hear you.
BS, married 25 years, WS (recovered/ing NA) supposedly in recovery for PA, yeah right.
Currently in house separated, attempting to R (at least talking the talk, no walking happening). No official DDay since TT happening for year
barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 4:42 PM on Friday, February 26th, 2021
(((natwoodbron)))
I hate to say this because you probably don't think so... but it sounds like you are doing GREAT.
You've accepted that he is not who you thought he was, even though he looks the same. You understand that it hurts, but that it won't hurt forever. You understand that your daughter is what is most important.
You can do this!!
Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.
Adira ( member #77327) posted at 11:31 PM on Friday, February 26th, 2021
I'm so sorry. I feel your pain. He's not who you believed he was & it's ok to grieve that.
Me BW, STBXWH covert NPD
2 teenage kids
M: 24 years, together 27 years
3x DDays: 08/2017; 10/2017; 02/2018 with the Hobbit Howorker.
False R: 02/2018-12/2020
Currently in IHS
This Topic is Archived
