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Not at all sure about the future

katmandude54 posted 1/1/2021 07:12 AM

Since my STBXW abdicated her throne and walked out of our (me, three kids at home, one out on her own) family, I have not tried to re-engage, especially since I am STILL legally and in the eyes of God, married. Yes, I went on two "DATES" with two separate people that were more like chat fests. I focused more on the three kids she left, two of which (now 15 and 25) still live with me. That I didn't (OR COULDN'T) file until this past August kind of put me in an on-hold position.
But, there's sill clouds on the horizon, despite the impending divorce resolution.
Shortly after she left me in 2016 I found I had cancer. Hours of testing, scoping, radiation and meds and it's in remission. But it left scars, ones guys don't really care to talk about (them blue thingys didn't work for me). Which means at my age (6 1/2 bells) I don't know if I care to or want to date once this is over. Maybe just get my youngest through HS and my other "launched" and then find a quiet little rental somewhere, retire, and then just read the rest of my life away.
No, these past 20 years (since before she left) have not been easy. She had SIX affairs (she' living with her last one, a still-married man with whom they celebrated Xmas WITH his still-wife and kids, geez), the cancer, my mom dying in 2015, one of our kids killed in 2016, losing our former family home in 2019 to foreclosure, and those are the highlights! lol. Anyway (Yes, I've been to counseling and it helped), I'm still working, keeping house, raising my kids, yadda, yadda, yadda. Just waiting for this marriage to legally be over but not so I can re-engage with someone else. My feeling is that after this, it's just a solo trip.

Thanksgiving2016 posted 1/1/2021 10:16 AM

Focus and you and your happiness. The rest will take car of itself. Leave the door open and whatever happens happens. If you make yourself happy it won't matter if it's alone or with another person.

Anna123 posted 1/1/2021 14:32 PM

That sounds like a good plan, except just like Thanksgiving said, you don't have to plan now whether to stay single or pair up at some point in the future if you are so inclined. The pressure society to decide is quite strong I have discovered! I find that embracing my singledom has made me confident I can go either way. (but prefer single for now). It is an adventure for sure.

Take care and good luck. You will be an in demand person if you ever decide to venture out.

The1stWife posted 1/1/2021 15:20 PM

I like your plan. You just never know what the future holds.

My sibling was widowed kind of young (early 50s). Tons if dating opportunities but deemed nut jobs - too many issues. A few were ready to settle down after the third date. Anyway became friends with a single co-worker and now very happy.

Yiu just donít know. Never rule anything out.

Mancunianforlife posted 1/9/2021 15:26 PM

After, in your words "6 1/2 bells", there is no future. Now its time for a long or short wait for that long dirt nap.

You tried to lead a "moral", "honorable" existence. To put it nicely, your return on investment is negative.

At your age, ts time to embrace religion and pray for Salvation. Pray for an easy passing. Pray that you pass away when your limbs are fully functional. You don't want to live on someone's help. Pray that someone is there on your last day on the realm of the living (thats precious). PRAY!!!

Nothing more can be done now.

HFSSC posted 1/9/2021 18:23 PM

What the actual fuck???

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