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newlife03 ( member #56527) posted at 5:51 PM on Wednesday, December 16th, 2020
After the first DDay I decided I wanted to reconcile and try to save the marriage. Went to IC on my own because xWH wouldn't do it (said he didn't believe in seeking outside help). Went through false R for 6 months, still stayed. Kept believing he wasn't seeing OW. Uprooted the family to a new state to "start over" and get away from OW#1. The new move brought on OW#2. A few months of hysterical bonding but he was still seeing #2. Then one day it just happened...I went to see xWH at his place of business and realized that #2 had never been out of the picture. The next day I called a lawyer and got what I needed to file D.
From DDay #1 to the day I filed D it was 3 years and 2 months. After several false R's, a second OW and my self-esteem crashing.
Everyone has a different timeline, and I know my life wouldn't be what it is today (fabulous!) if I had filed after the first DDay as I wouldn't have moved to where I am now. But if I had the strength then that I do now I wouldn't have let him railroad me into believing him. Hindsight is always 20/20, ya know.
Me - 50
Kids 25, 22, 18
1st DDay in 2006, 2nd in 2007
D in 2009
Happily Committed to SO since 2011
routerx ( new member #75569) posted at 5:20 AM on Sunday, December 20th, 2020
I never in a million years thought I would get a divorce.
I knew I was going to get a divorce when I didn't need to ask anyone for advice anymore. I knew when I could sit in a room, by myself, and confidently say this is the right decision and one I can live with the rest of my life.
It wasn't a specific moment - it happened over time, after a year of therapy. Making a decision about divorce must be done when you are calm and in a good place. If you are, then making a decision regardless of what other people think is a sign that you trust yourself and believe in your decision.
Hope this helps. Hang in there. I've been there. There is a way out and you'll find it inside of yourself.
rebplay ( member #59205) posted at 2:52 PM on Thursday, December 31st, 2020
I wondered the same thing for years, how do you know for sure you’re ready for d. When people say you’ll know, you will. The last insult my WH inflicted, I was done. I still
had feelings and missed the what my life was suppose to be etc but I knew for sure I couldn’t do it anymore. It was time to save myself.
CoderMom ( member #66033) posted at 3:04 AM on Friday, January 1st, 2021
When he moved out the 4th time, only 6 months after he had moved back in.
I knew he had no intentions of changing his ways.
We had 2 kids together. I put them first.
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