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Newest Member: 30yearsofheartache

Divorce/Separation :

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 ElizEMS (original poster new member #59525) posted at 1:27 AM on Sunday, December 6th, 2020

Wow, as I am sure everyone else felt - what the heck am I doing here?! Belonged here four years ago when I found out my husband had an affair. He had just moved us (myself and three teenage-adult children) to another state, and I was jobless at the moment due to the move, worried about my kids adjusting and just beat down emotionally. I stayed, begged for therapy (which he went to one session), and moved to yet another state to get a new start. Have found a few text messages over the past several years (nothing concrete enough) and now have watched FB messages where he is asking for nudes, discussing our marriage and making plans for a trip. I am done. Ashamed I've stayed, ready to make my next 20+ years happy and healthy ones.

Two of my three adult children are handling things okay - issues always, but okay. My youngest, 20, girl is having a hard time - wants to fix it, doesn't want to talk about it, going back to college early January. I struggle with the decision only for her.

I have gone to a therapy appointment and will be going back. He did go again - once - but now thinks she is against him.

Divorce is my only option at this point. I have lost all trust, all hope, and all love. Now I start the part that I hate - splitting stuff up and it will be a fight.

Me BS 46
Him WH 61
M 25 years, 3 kids (20-26)
A w/ business trip coworker
D-day 05/30/17

posts: 7   ·   registered: Jul. 6th, 2017
id 8614569

BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 1:33 AM on Sunday, December 6th, 2020

Ugh. Sorry you are here, but it sounds like he give little option.

Are there counselors at university your 20DD can talk to?

See lawyers, get your financial ducks lined up, keep going to IC.

There is a peace when you can lay down the weight of the lies, the toxicity, the pain. It takes a little time to get used to it - like frogs in the pot we get so used to the toxic environment we were in - there is some lightness, peace, and happiness.

We’re here when you need us.

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 5386   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8614570

leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 4:34 PM on Sunday, December 6th, 2020

You have nothing to be ashamed about. You have a loving, loyal heart that tried to keep your family together despite your WH's destructive decisions.

Sorry that he's going to be a jerk about the split. Vent away when you need.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 2184   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8614647
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