Newest Member: Loyalandbetrayed

Just Found Out :
Today my heart broke again

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Brokengirl123 (original poster New Member #75801) posted at 8:01 PM on Wednesday, November 4th, 2020

I've been in a relationship with a man who i thought I'd spend the rest of my.life with amazing man ove known for years 15 years older me im 34 well found him on sex sites I've seen photos of men woman u name I see it

I set fake accounts and he came to me

We split up I.took a year off and long story short he cotacted me

We began to talk he said he was sorry he wasn't be ing the real him he loves me and wants to date me again he did and said all the right things but I kept my fake accounts to.check 10 months went buy and last night I caught him again but this time he messages the fake me and says and I quote I have a Mrs but I need more I get a kick out f ing another without her knowing

Broke me into pieces I rang him and confronted him sent the screenshot and now he's getting spiteful why do that to another human being I gave him everything and here I am broken wondering did he ever love me and my kids why do.this me I've caught him before and he actually blames his ex he sat on the phone to.google wasting time playing this sick game of his for what I've told himif he wants to.leave then go I've seen it all what hurts the most is he said that to a total stranger or so he thought about me I had to sit there and read it that's the one thing that hurts the most how can I still love him n miss after that I just want the pain to.go I'm stupid why do men take a strong loving caring devoted woman and break her to pieces

posts: 4   ·   registered: Nov. 4th, 2020
id 8605488
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Anna123 ( Member #70908) posted at 8:12 PM on Wednesday, November 4th, 2020

Good job catching him before. Thank God you were not more involved but I know that doesn't make the hurt any less for the moment. Be careful of men that much older. Assuming they aren't a cheater, they are not seeking a partner for the journey of life so much as a place holder/role player for 'female partner' in life. It's a different type of relationship and a certain type of dynamic on both sides that is not usually authentic. And there just is not enough in common. Not always, but usually.

Good job catching the second time around as well. No mysteries for you to solve! Now you know what to do when he returns for round three-----

posts: 619   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8605495
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newlife03 ( Member #56527) posted at 8:34 PM on Wednesday, November 4th, 2020

and I quote I have a Mrs but I need more I get a kick out f ing another without her knowing

Are you married to him? If so you may want to get in touch with an attorney. This man will not change. In fact, he probably never stopped on those sites.

If you're not married, cut him loose. This man will not change. In fact, he probably never stopped on those sites.

Let yourself grieve the loss of what you thought you had, and then you can move forward to the life you deserve!

Me - 50
Kids 25, 22, 18
1st DDay in 2006, 2nd in 2007
D in 2009
Happily Committed to SO since 2011

posts: 657   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2016   ·   location: ID
id 8605505
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allusions ( Member #25376) posted at 9:15 PM on Wednesday, November 4th, 2020

He is an emotional predator. You broke up with him, then he contacted you and lured you back into a relationship. His true thoughts and motivations came through with the message to the fake woman. There is nothing to love about him. It's all fake. Get him out of your life forever. He isn't going to suddenly see the light and change his ways.

I'm glad you listened to your gut and kept an eye on him through your fake accounts.

You can apologize over and over, but if your actions don't change, your words become meaningless.

Behind every crazy bitch is a sweet girl who just got tired of being lied to.

I've found the key to happiness: Stay away from assholes.

posts: 1973   ·   registered: Sep. 1st, 2009   ·   location: California Central Coast
id 8605528
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TruthIsPower ( Member #75776) posted at 9:42 PM on Wednesday, November 4th, 2020

I still love him n miss after that I just want the pain to.go I'm stupid why do men take a strong loving caring devoted woman and break her to pieces

I agree with previous posters. Though you should correct your statement and change it to "man", not "men". You're talking about your WP. I suggest to write on a piece of paper his character traits that you discovered during this ordeal and then think if there is anything to Love on this list. Those traits are real, and if he truly wants to be with you, he needs to work on correcting his behavior to become safe partner. Based on what you wrote, he does not want to do it. It seems he just uses you to have his fetish or kink, SA (?). Can this be cured? Only if he wants to put lots of work, but does he see the problem he has himself? Is he looking to be healed?

We know that it's hard to wrap your mind about all this.... Hugs!

"Stop giving people the reasons to love you. Not all will see the beauty of your soul. Those who know, those who know who you are, will love you with something fierce and never let you go. Those are the ones worth holding out for."

posts: 95   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2020   ·   location: US
id 8605550
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The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 10:12 PM on Wednesday, November 4th, 2020

He does (in his mind) love you.

But he loves himself more and that is why he cheats. His desires come first. Always will.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10517   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8605565
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 Brokengirl123 (original poster New Member #75801) posted at 11:36 PM on Wednesday, November 4th, 2020

Thank you all so much means the world to me x

posts: 4   ·   registered: Nov. 4th, 2020
id 8605605
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Buffer ( Member #71664) posted at 11:56 PM on Wednesday, November 4th, 2020

I can only offer a 'He is a pig, and you deserve better'.

Respect yourself and give him the flick.

One day at a time.

Buffer

posts: 1191   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019   ·   location: Australia
id 8605614
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SunshineSoul ( Member #43374) posted at 4:28 AM on Monday, November 9th, 2020

Are you married to him? Or is there a Mrs besides you that he has?

Me = BS, 38
Him = WH, 43
2 beautiful boys.
Married since 2001, together since 1998.
Dday = Feb 20, 2014.

It's just not that simple.

posts: 167   ·   registered: May. 8th, 2014   ·   location: West Coast
id 8606852
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 Brokengirl123 (original poster New Member #75801) posted at 8:24 AM on Monday, November 9th, 2020

No he would refer to me as his Mrs I've not heard from him at all but he's still online

When this happens before he would run away and then few months later he would contact me but I don't think he will this time im just trying to work out why he would say what he did about needed ing more than me and it turns him to be with another woman behind my back to be clear when I found him online I made a point of saying I like men who have a girlfriend,to see what

His response would be I thought he would just say his single instead of what he did say im wondering if he meant it or just trying to get with this fake me as ut was one of criteria in my fake account its been almost a week and I've not heard from him

posts: 4   ·   registered: Nov. 4th, 2020
id 8606872
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The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 9:33 AM on Monday, November 9th, 2020

He’s done this before? And runs away and then returns?

I think you have been down this road before. Unless and until YOU do something different this relationship will continue the same way it always has.

You can get counseling for yourself to figure out your future and what choices you have.

You can refuse to take him back the next time he calls you

You can try to set boundaries and change the way your relationship works

You can accept he’s a serial cheater and just live with it.

You expect him to have no other women in his life. He expects you to accept this. Doesn’t sound like a happy relationship to me.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10517   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8606876
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 Brokengirl123 (original poster New Member #75801) posted at 10:03 AM on Monday, November 9th, 2020

Yep I've caught him with men amd woman before as much as it hurts I WONT be taking him back I know I deserve better just dnt get how someone would stay amd cheat instead of leave were not married no children together I have two boys nothing to stop him leaving so why say and break out family

posts: 4   ·   registered: Nov. 4th, 2020
id 8606879
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CoderMom ( Member #66033) posted at 3:38 AM on Tuesday, December 1st, 2020

Being betrayed is devastating. I know, as I have been cheated on horribly by two husbands.

Standing on my own two feet without a man has made me stronger as a person. I would love a husband, but I know I don't need a man.

posts: 223   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2018
id 8613303
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Jambomo ( Member #74853) posted at 9:41 PM on Tuesday, December 1st, 2020

I think finding out you have been betrayed is one of the worst feeling you can have tbh.

You can stay with him but you know he’ll keep doing it, those who get a thrill from it will find it hard to give up, you know you’ll have lots more D’days.

You can leave, never speak to him again and live a much happier life with a new partner and whilst nothing is guaranteed, you at least do not have the almost certainty and expectation of more D’Days.

posts: 240   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020   ·   location: Scotland
id 8613512
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fooled13years ( Member #49028) posted at 1:57 PM on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2020

Brokengirl123

why do men take a strong loving caring devoted woman and break her to pieces

Many of us men on here know that this happens the other way too.

Based on your writing it appears as though you know what you want to do but haven't yet found the strength to do it.

he did and said all the right things

A lot of the advice here is that it is not what they say but what they do.

but I kept my fake accounts

This tells me that in your heart and your gut you knew you could not trust him when you started dating again.

Trust what your heart and your gut are telling you and get away from him. You deserve better than this. There are many men out there who will treat you with the love and respect any faithful person deserves.

I removed myself from infidelity and am happy again.

posts: 1042   ·   registered: Aug. 18th, 2015
id 8613627
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tushnurse ( Member #21101) posted at 2:15 PM on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2020

I WONT be taking him back I know I deserve better

Write this sentence out on a bunch of post it notes, and put them in your home where you will see them frequently - your bathroom mirror, the fridge door, the steering wheel of your car etc. Along with that statement add two statements of positive affirmations about yourself.

This will truly help you reset your brain when he does come back around, he may stay away longer this time, but be prepared for him to come back again since he has a history of it.

Additionally you need to go get full STD testing. That means blood work and a pelvic exam. When you see the Dr also discuss the trauma you are going through, and ask for a referral for a therapist that specializes in trauma, no infidelity - infidelity is his issue not yours. You need help healing you. Additionally when you are seen discuss sleeping and eating patterns, often in the early days of discovery it is hard to do either, and sometimes a person will benefit from medications to allow you get some solid sleep. No shame in that.

You are a strong capable woman, you will get through this. Know that his issues are just that HIS. NOTHING you did or did not do lead to his shitty behavior. Do NOT blame yourself.

((((And Strength))))

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 21 &23
Married for 28 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 18919   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8613629
Topic is Sleeping.
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