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Struggling with cynicism. Any suggestions?

sillyoldsod posted 10/13/2020 12:29 PM

Not a 'new beginning' as such as I'm engaged to be married, having met my lovely partner over 3 years ago.

However, I'm really struggling with relationship/marriage cynicism. I think I've always had a cynical outlook on life and people generally having spent 30 years in law enforcement!

Being a BS I am painfully aware that whilst things may be fantastic 'in the moment', individuals change and relationships change and no BS wants to be made a fool of...again! I guess cynicism stems from a lack of trust which comes from one's experience of life and people over time.

I'm also having an internal battle between my acceptance of empowered, independent, strong, modern women (who I love!) and yet at the same time those same women having conveniently 'old fashioned' ideas about men's roles in society and in relationships.

I'm not sure I'm making much sense but if anyone has any thoughts or reading suggestions on how to try to overcome cynicism please post away.

siracha posted 10/13/2020 13:50 PM

The universe is certainly cruel but it is smiling upon you right now - You should smile back.!

nekonamida posted 10/13/2020 14:59 PM

SOS, I guess I don't see what the problem is without you giving more information. Your cynicism isn't preventing you from moving forward. It's not causing issues in your new relationship. It sounds to me that what you really miss is those old love goggles you had on back when you married your XWW. And why would you want them back on anyways? They helped contribute to you choosing wrong.

I'm also having an internal battle between my acceptance of empowered, independent, strong, modern women (who I love!) and yet at the same time those same women having conveniently 'old fashioned' ideas about men's roles in society and in relationships.

What does this mean? Are you concerned that your new wife has different morals than you when it comes to cheating? Are you saying she might excuse herself to look elsewhere if you don't provide enough or aren't manly enough? Because if so, I can't see why you would marry her in the first place.

Thumos posted 10/13/2020 16:09 PM

I think what you're possibly defining as cynicism is just realism.

Being pragmatic isn't being cynical.

If you're getting married again and experiencing love again, it seems me you've got a pragmatic yet positive outlook on life.

What's the problem?

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