Hello All....new user here...hate to be here, but glad this place exists. In the time I was waiting for my account to be activated I took a deep dive into this website reading the articles and threads before my account was activated to make this 1st post.
Yes, my wife and I were having problems. She is my dream girl, and she all but worshipped me in return - we had a love of the ages! But life happens...we have 7 kids together and logistics of that...long story short; over the years we had lost sight of each other. There were times that I was neglectful to her needs, and under a lot of stress which I didn't always handle the best ways making me increasingly unpleasant. She became increasingly withdrawn
I take ownership of my 50%....hell I am willing to own 65% that created an unhappy environment. 5 months ago I reached my own personal rock bottom when I felt my wife and kids slipping away from me.
As the head of household I feel it is my duty and obligation to identify when my family is heading to crisis and do whatever it takes to steer things back on track.
I committed to serious and significant positive personal changes. I re-committed to a lifestyle of healthy thinking, healthy living, and healthy loving. I lost 50 pounds! Even better than that, I had finally conquered a life long demon: I vanquished my temper! I found a calm and clear inner platform to operate from and was highly motivated.
These changes made immediate impact with my children - but bafflingly did nothing for my wife, who begged to see these types of improvements for years. In fact, she seemed offended at these improvements and openly expressed her skepticism and doubt my sincerity. She says its too little too late, she checked out of the relationship and other common phrases we BS hear.
Undaunted I feel she needs more time to be convinced...and indeed we are communicating and enjoying our friendship better than we have in ages. I think maybe I can pull this out of the tailspin after all.
Then she files for divorce. Says she doesn't have the finances to move out any time soon so she wont serve me right away unless I make things uncomfortable. She's still assuming the worst of me..but I am no longer that man who reacts, I am now a man who responds...and I chose to continue giving the best of myself to my wife and her children (my step kids) for however long they stay under our roof.
Then she serves me. (2 days ago now) What's the rush? What's really going on here?
I never really had strong urge to snoop but I admit I couldn't understand why my wife wasn't appreciating the change of culture in our household, how could she not see what was happening? was she distracted? So I logged into her email, I know the password always have...never felt truly compelled to breech her privacy because she had legitimately earned my trust over the years.
There are no words to describe it - reading those emails - it was probably the single most painful experience of my life. Not only was I hurt by the betrayal - but the way she easily cheapened herself sexually for this man was indescribable for me. This thing had been going on for 4 months and got physical in the past couple weeks. A former co-worker who checked in to say hi...becomes an EA...and..ugh.
Yesterday was our 4th wedding anniversary. I have been in a mindset of wooing my wife back and had happy plans. Instead, I am served divorce papers and discover my wife's affair. Again, just no words to describe that feeling(s).
When she gets home that night she is in full on fight/flight mode. I approach her from my recently developed calm and clear platform - passing the ultimate test, I remained centered and grounded throughout.
My response in my darkest hour finally convinced my wife that my evolution was authentic and she broke down in tears apologizing all night long and promising to break it off with the AP...that all she wanted was attention and things had just gotten out of hand. We spoke until she fell asleep. I didn't sleep a wink.
The next morning I told her if she was willing to commit to our marriage and reinvest her energy into our family and do what it takes - that I might be willing to work toward forgiveness for the sake of the reconciliation I had been pursuing this entire time.
Its only been 48hrs...I don't know whats going to happen or how much more I have to give - though I feel compelled to explore. Long weekend coming up, wife and I will have a lot to talk about.
If anyone could share any insight on how to make the most of this time with her this weekend - I'd appreciate it - thanks for reading
[This message edited by UnhappyDaddy at 12:22 PM, September 3rd (Thursday)]